today... 19 JULY 2011

bebe... today u r flying lo...
flying to LONDON... its a happy moment for u to go there and experience it...
but to me... happy morning cause....
morning today, i had 2 types of bread... one is chicken sandwich, and other one is like a french toast de right after i called u from your sleep...
but when u r sleeping.. your voice was so cute... i guess i will going to miss it for the coming 2 weeks... :( hmm....
later evening will be the worst time of my life...
now i'm adi very sad until only can finished 1 bread only... got 3 summore... hmmm... i even cant say anything to u write now... :(
bebe.... evening luckily i'm home.. i can stuck in my room.. and starting to miss u all day all night for the coming 2 weeks...

have you checked everything to bring? hmm?

today is the day that i will start missing u and telling what am i doing today....

hmm... i miss you bebe...
i also dun know how to stay on like this for the coming two weeks...
so miss u..
hope u go to london...
take care of yourself...
becareful at all times...
drink more water cause the air there is quite dry...
dun fall sick o..
cause u know ur days are coming o...
hope u can tell me on what u do also everyday...

but bebe...
me here i think i can only update u on what i do when i end my work everyday...
then my breaks.. i think i'll just only fb u k?
during the weekends...
other than going to ampang and on9... i'll try my best to on9 and write everything before pasting them here... like those days k??

just now while typing this...
even the cup cant tahan to cry...
hmm...
its like me... the paper cup of my coffee.... started leaking... from small hole.. to very big hole.. its exactly the same as me..
i'm just really lonely and sad starting from today...

hmmm... i really hope these 2 weeks will pass faster... everything goes faster...
till u come back....

bebe... i wan you bek... i miss u so much... :(

Pay Back?

i read all the msgs that you have sent me...
i read all the things u told me...
i dun know your "feeling" ma rite?
u said i'll never understand rite?

what makes u think u know whether i understand or not?
what makes u think that i dun know?
how would u know?

its just i dun understand why are you doing like this..
why are you staying on this way?
think properly what have you said to me...

lets go one by one...

this afternoon, you told me that you will be with ur grandma...
then need to hold her hands...
and then walk her around...
i wasnt mad at u...
i wasnt emo to u...

that wasnt the problem...
the problem is...
i was to post your picture...
you said dun...
you said dun wan...
dun post lo!

that was my emo-ness start...
why dun i post?
why cant i post?
i respected you...
i din...

you kept saying like you never dint do any mistakes at all...
from the start...
i have my mistakes...
so did you...
did u ever think this way?
everytime we started an argument...
do you think that i'm the only one to be blamed?
i was only the one wrong?
now you must be thinking... i like to blame so much... i'm always complaining... blaming ups and down... kept blame blame blame...
am i really?

just an example...
today.. i emo... i call you to do your things 1st...
its my fault...
its like i pushed you away rite?
did i wan to pushed you at the 1st place?
think of this...
you were the one who told me...

"i'm walking lo... how i sms?huh? i got to c popo also ma.. "
if you were to see the popo...
really, i und your situation...
u mai help your popo 1st lo...

before that, you told me that later you going home.. only sms me...
i mai say when only you home.. sms me lo...
is that also wrong?
i might have said it like i pushed you away...
but i dint want to...
i wanted to talk with you all day all night...
dun u know what i was doing?
dun u know my intentions?
dun u know my wants?

you must be saying now...
u dun know what i want...
u dun know how to satisfy me..
u dun know what to do with me ma... rite?

i'm calm now... no angry or anything...
you know what i want from you de...

you want things from me...
i give you everything...
you want to know what am i doing...
i tell you everything in detail...
you want me to share everything to you...
i'll let u know everything in detail...

but why dint you let me know in detail?
why are you keeping everything away from me?
dun u think so?
no?

an example...
your frens.. up frens, down also frens... who are your frens?
when you are to tell me...
you did it like u r being forced to...
neva tell properly and in detail...
just a name.. and full stop..

think of this... did i tell you a name.. then full stop before?
he, name, then full stop?
thats what u did to me..
you might not feel it...
but thats what u did to me...

other than that, you added... if u dun believe, go my fb and check la...
see what i write la...
be... in my point of view... this is crazy... why?
how am i to see? when u kept deleting your comments... and everywhere?

you kept adding my frens... keep tracking me...
i like it... its not i dun...
but did u let me a chance to see what you wrote in fb?
u expect me how to check? or how am i to know?

ok... this is all bullshit adi... its past d...


then what bout today...??
i asked where r u heading to....
i took 3 to 4 messages of sending to u...
then only you told me...
then i asked where is it...
i took another 3 to 4 messages only i get the answer...

and now you wanna talk bout the past?
how i was too blur to answer your message?
how i didnt reply you properly??
are you trying to payback?

and btw, dint i learned to talk properly?
dint i learned the way to answer all your questions?
now you following me and ask me to c i can tahan myself or not?
and this is a payback rite? fine...

last time... u only took 2-3 messages to know my answer...
why?
its because i was really bz with sumthing.. and you expect me to answer you asap..
its because i was like doing sumthing, and then sumthing else came up... then i did the other thing...
and when i took only 2-3 messages... what you gave me? a smile?
and now u saying, i just took 3-4 messages to get your answer, getting frustrated?
what did you do during the past?
rmb or not? i think not...
let me recall your memory....
it was totally chaos... you were angry at me... ignoring my messages...
and worst of all.. dint even want to speak another word to me....
when u bout to reply... all the scoldings and angry fire came out...
scoldings and dissatisfaction...

and what did i do? i kept on asking only...
did i shouted? did i yell at u?
did i angry on you? did i scold you?
i kept on asking and asking...

this is not adi the 1st time...
it has been many times...
you dint reply my questions...
you dint even wan to talk properly...
all the things you've said... all are unclear...
did i get mad at u for all these?
is it a payback?? yes? i tot so....

and now you telling me... that u dint replied me nicely... not even a sorry...
did i do that last time?
and asked you 3 times... i get frustrated adi? be... this is not the 1st time adi...
i told u adi... it has been so many times...
oh just tell me straight... did i ever scolded you?

when i'm blur, u asked me so many times...
you dint say anything? really? is that true??
are you really positive on your words today??
do you think that you are really correct?

NO!!! you are not! now i'm not scolding or angry...
this is dissatisfaction!
when i'm blur... u asked so many times...
you scolded and angry at me...
you think bek urself...

asking me whether i want to frustrated you because you dint reply properly?
payback rite??

what i wan?
what i dint think 4 u?
whats the thing dat i think dat u wan but its not what u want?

its not i want to repeat all these...
you think and see...
is it always my fault??
is it always i'm to be blamed off?

i repeat myself... i'm not angry... i'm just dissatisfied with what u say...
am i get payback by you??

and now... to your "feeling"...

you told me not to think of it...
told me to be frens...
so dun need to think of it...
then if u say until that easy....

why dun you forget the past?
why cant you forget of all the past?
why cant you treat the past as an experience and memory instead of a nightmare?
kept on why why why why and why rite??

do you think if i'm to become frens with you...
i wont think all these??
maintain as frens?? no need me so san fu??
really? is that what you think??

i might be very sarcastic... why? is it really what you think on me is correct??
do you really think so?? no!! NO!! why NO!!?? its because you are wrong...
you are totally wrong on me...

why should i think when u will accept me bek?
why should i think so?
its because
i dun wan to be frens...
i dun wan kept on like this...
i know you are still in love of me...
i know that you still care...
i know that you still need me...
but why are you doin this way??

just because of my decision last time...??
read my previous blogs over again...
know why i said it? know why i made de decision?
one sentence..
its because you are pushing it too hard...
you never checked, then u scold, u angry, and u shoot...
and then u said now.. you're sorry...
one word sorry... then i forgive you...
because of this sorry... this incident...
i made the decision... and then you are strong on this decision of mine?
why did i make?
am i that soft?
cant take on the stress?
den i dun need to be with u?
u'll always be like this..?
and all sort of nonsense??!!

be, what you are bout to say... i adi know...
why? its because it kept going round and round and round...
why it'll never stop? because all are related... kept on round and round...
its kept repeating nonstop... over and over...

because i made the decision caused by your pushings and scoldings and shootings,
you want to be strong on the decision made?
you want make me regret for what i've said?
you want me to know when the decisions made... cannot change back?
thats what u want to hold against?
thats what u want to be strong and tough in?
just the decision i made...??
that you asked 2-3 times, no turning bek and all that things??
is it??
a payback for what i did?

i'm not blaming you for anything...
but if you did nt do what i mentioned just now...
it might be my fault...
and having the "feeling" of yours... its ok.. i und.. its totally my fault...

but now... its not.. u kept on pushing... scolding and shooting...
after 1 incident... next come the other one...
i dun even know what has happened...
you came raining arrows at me..
then you expect that i simply say we separate?
u think i'm easy on separate?
like a switch??
you think again la...
i'm not...
you think what has happened last time bek la..
then you said you are sorry for all the pushings and scoldings...
thats your fault...
my fault is... i simply made the decision...
rite?? am i correct??

because of your words... and your behaviour like this...
i have to say yes...
we were having faults and wrongs...
its not only me...
its not only what i do...
its also you as well..
its not to say now...
when i'm wrong... i drag you into the water as well..
but think bout it...
last time was this way...

and now... you wan to hold on to the decision that i've made??
you wan to stand hard on the decision i've made??

and read bek your messages...
i found out that.. you said...
i'll later emo when i dun know your answer on accepting me bek or not...
then if i emo, i'll say you got the feeling...
now on dun even touch you...
i will this dis and that.. why this and why that rite??

if you were me... would u have the same thing?
if i were to let you know that my feeling was just some past experiences that i couldnt let go....
why would u feel?
the worst part is most of the past experiences is not caused by me...
lose your man to a cousin?
lose your beloved man?
why u lose? its not your fault?
its that idiot's fault...

and please dun compare me with that idiot...
i'm not that idiot...
and why do we have the same conclusion?
its because the conclusion was just like a switch, on or off...

if you say it was the same... and you wan to compare him to me...
why does he has the 5 chances although he was with another girl?
even though he lied to you and dint even treat u what you wanted..
you know he was lying to you for another girl....
why still give him the chance??
and summore its 5 times??

i have nothing to lie to you...
i have nothing to keep a secret from you...
i have nothing to do with any girls...
i have no other relationships...
even i wasnt with you for that past few weeks...
i dint find any girls...
i dint find any new girls...
or anyone i havent seen much before...
i dint...

you treated me that i lied to you...
finding another girl behind your back?
jealous of my cousin calling me "gor gor"?
jealousy of me with other girls taking pictures?
erm.. HELO??
i dint mess with no girls...
i dint thought of any other girls except you...
i dint even try to...
taking pics and my cousin... i adi reduced..
even now.. i dun even talked to my cousin..
why? because i know you dun like...
i know you still care...

you asked me before...
other than that, who else you stop me from talking to...
there is... its just you dun recall...
what bout i refresh your mind...?

samantha? you dun like her talking to me..? like she is flirting or sum what... even she said sumthing that you dun like??

pit yee? too close to me? and everytime taking pics together?
oh... correct ma? but did i hug her? did i kiss her? even if you take pics with a guy... i dun mind... but u said... you cant take it... you cannot let "your guy" to take pics with other girls, except you... i dun even talk much to her adi...

and many more... i recall their names.. but i dun recall whats the case...
you know it urself...
you know the best...
not me...

you cant take it all the things... i seldom do adi...
you said last time, i dint acc u for breaky...
need to beg me for the breaky that u want...
need to make me come.. only i come...

why am i doing it now?
because i work?
because i want u bek then i do so?
NO! because i want you to know i've change...
because i want you to know i can change for you...
it just need time... thats all...

but now... u called me to become frens?
i dun know how you could do it...
but for me...
if i love that person so much... i wouldnt have her to become frens with me...
i love that person so much... i wouldnt have her to maintain as frens...
and the worst is...
you are still inlove with me...
unless you tell me you dun love me anymore...
unless you tell me you dun have any feelings for me anymore...
i would not bother you anymore...
just need the word...hmmm...

but now... its not ma rite?

and everytime i told you on your feeling... Your "feeling"...
did u think i made fun of it?
did i? if i did, i'm sorry... but i can tell you i didnt even made a smile to your feeling... its serious... what is there to be fun of?
its so serious matter... why do i need to make fun of?
fun? no! i dun make fun of serious things...


and all these top things that i've just written, hurts you?
really? what bout me? dun u think it hurts me too?
dun u think that i'm also in pain?
i dun know you are hurt too? i'm not trying to hurt u or anything..
if i dun say... i'm more in pain.. and you would never know it...
i know you are in pain...
i know you are hurt...

but frens? wouldnt that be more hurt for me?
always say bout you you and you...
ever think of me also?
your 'feeling'...
your experiences...
you dun wan happen again...
you dun wan to argue adi...

but what are you doing?
sitting there and hoping sumthing might happen?
what are you doing to prevent all these?
i started doing sumthing...
i tried not to argue so much...
then u said i frustrated easily? just u dint say things properly? really ma?
you think la...

after all these... why i suddenly emo?
its because u did sumthing wrong...
which u think u were rite...
am i always to be blamed? so nice to be blamed o?
and which u think that i've done it before.. why you cant do it?
its adi a mistake that both of us knew... why bother re-occuring it?
do u think we still wan arguments?
you just said you dun wan...

all your doings...
you said your "feelings", and its no joke to me.. not making fun of it or anything relates to it...
all your words...
all your msgs...
only gives me one conclusion now...
its a payback... RITE?
and this payback is because i've made the wrong decision of saying yes to separate in the relationship...
this payback is because u wanna stand so hard on the decision that i've made although u asked twice...
this is a payback because i never treated you good in the past... and everything ma rite?

i told you be4... many many times...
u r the best of all my gf i've ever dated...
although you r the 3rd one...
but you r the best gf i've ever had and i ever treated...
whatever u say... i tried my best to change...
i tried my best to find a solution for it...
wrong then do again... wrong then change...
then i made once wrong decision...
i'm trying to take it bek...
but u dun give...
u said once said... cant take bek...
its because u kept standing strong on the decision...
why cant you loosen up a little?
why?

Paybek? really a paybek.... :( i'm really very sad of this...
tired of this blog too...
i just hope the next time i post...
is a happy one..
no complains
no stress
no scoldings..
no more arguments...:(

its a past EXPERIENCE, Why still kept bothering yourself with it.??

i just dun get it...
its been for so long...
its adi a past experience to u...
its adi gone d..
u know that it isnt the same now..
u know it is gone for that...

why is there still the feeling that it might occur again?
its past experiences, so now u should try from it from re-occuring...
not sitting there and hoping that it wouldnt happen again...

if u think that sitting there and the feeling will be gone...
u are wrong...
and waiting there as well...
u think it will be recovered...
then u r super wrong....

not only u wont happen to solve your problem and your mistakes...
u will create more problems and mistakes as well..
in addition, the "feeling" of yours would tend to grow big...
your badly hurt heart, would soon be more pain...
your sting attached to ur heart, would plung in more deeper...

not only u would be hurt by ur past experiences, your "feeling" and your own stings...
but also you tend to hurt other people...
you hurt other people's feelings too...
and you dun know about it...

whats the problem of letting everyone know your little secret?
this is life, will they laugh at u?
will they look down on u if u have this secret of life?
will they tend to give u another look as well?
or are your frens having another little story created by you?
i dun know...
but i'm sure that the whoever laughs at u, or look down to u, or sees you differently.... its...
they havent experienced this before...
they havent overcome this situation before...
or they are childish...

however, is everyone's opinion that matters to you?
is your image to everyone's eyes that important?
is it the image u want is in everyone's eyes?
i dun think so... making sure the highest percentage of everyone sees u prefectly?
could that be? the more u make it... the more people dislikes u...

in addition, for the past experiences,
you know that it has happened...
you know it is adi there before..
and yet... you know its past... wouldnt happened again...

if it is to happen again, what r u doing now?
sitting there and waiting for it to re-occur again?
sitting there and hope everything would be smoothly as it is?
or just sitting there and pray hard everything wouldnt happen again?
why dun u try, having it again.. and try to overcome the past experiences?
why dun u try, having it once more... learn from the experiences and find ways to solve it?

the experiences like this..
it wouldnt happened again... why?
because there are no people that are exactly alike...
because there are no 100% similarities between 2 persons..
you know it...
you also knew there are differences in 2 persons...
and yet.. you still wan to compare both of them...

comparing 1 to 1... if its the same..
its ok...
but its not..
you know it...
you are 100% sure of it...

but you deny it...
you said its the same...
you want it to be same...
you choose it to be same...
and worst part of all.. you compared...
you said an apple and orange is the same...
the apple and orange...
would also taste the same...
would also have the same shape..
and has the same colour...
you deny everything and lies everything of the differences to yourself...
running from reality that apple is red and orange is orange..

you just think that its the same..
you think hard that they are the same...
you assume badly that they are the same...
and you dint wan to listen to anyone...
saying that apple and orange have differences...

therefore... u act that eating apple and orange is the same...
hiding the truth of apple and orange to yourselves and in front of the eyes of your friends and family..
denys the truth as well in front of them...
and yet... scolding and arguing to anyone that stands in your way saying that apple and orange is different..

people tries to correct you..
telling you the apple and orange is different...

eating an apple and eating an orange de experiences will only have a conclusion..
that is you are full... or you are not...
its never you dun know... or you didnt know.. thats just all lies and denying...
eating an apple... has sweet or sour... but it has a skin and differences from an orange...
in contrast, eating an orange has sweet and sour too... but u cant eat its skin... and the juice is different...

you know the differences.. why kept denying it..
why still have the same thoughts?
its the same only you are full or not...
it will neva have the same feeling of eating an apple or an orange...
but if u still want to say its the same...
have it your way...
its your thoughts...
if u dun wan to listen... its your call..

dun kept saying its people's choice or decision...
its a decision that has been made... a past experience... why still kept thinking of it?
its adi an experience, why dun you try to accept it as a past...
and try to make it not re-occuring?
why dun you try to accept the past and try to overcome the problems.. create solutions based on your experiences?
why kept holding the past experiences and thinks that the present would ONLY occur similar to the past?

if sum1 dun lets you an apple or orange that you have been eating...
you would be sad... like a sting to urself... deep down your heart...
but you said... the orange experiences is the same as the apple...

but u know the orange has adi hurt u b4... in different ways... in different times...
why did u gave the orange chances? still kept eating it although its rotten??

and you know this apple is here to let you eat...
although it has been rotten before... not because it chose to be rotten...
because u kept it there.. leaving it there...
you like to eat it whenever u pleased...
but if not, you tend to throw it around...
and then u expect it to be sweet and tasty...

the apple has adi met your expectations..
to be big and juicy...
kept u sweet and happy...
but when u dun like it...
just because people sees the apple too..
you throw it far... far far away..~~
or you store the apple... hoping that the apple... wouldnt run away...
the apple dint plan to run away at all... it stays there...
but its just once,
you threw it very far because you are angry that the apple is tasteless...
threw it so far... no one has seen it...
not because it was tasteless or sum how...
its because you took anger in the apple...
and you dint realise it...

you think that the apple has been letting other people to eat it...
you think that the apple dun like you to eat it...
and you thought that the apple leaves you for good...
because it choose to leave you? no... its because u took the anger and put it into the apple..
causing yourself to throw as far as possible from yourself...

but...
the apple was finding it way bek to you...
finding the path to walk to you...
never thought of leaving you...
wishing that your anger has dropped...
but when the apple reaches in front of you...
you tend not to eat fruits at all..

afraid that the apple will run away again...
but u were the one who threw it...
and...
u deny that you threw the apple away...
saying that the apple decides to walk away from you...

the apple dint care for the past....
whether you threw or it left...
it still stays with you...
letting you eat whenever you pleased to...
but in front of your frens and family...
you tend to hide the apple...
not letting people know that you took back that apple to eat...

worst of all..
still wish to compare the apple and the orange's experiences...
and still stays the same...
saying that the feeling of the apple and orange is the same...

its ok... the apple will always wait for you...
its matter of you to choose...
whether to kept holding this past experiences as your feeling or
let this past experiences be a past... and move along with the present life with this apple or not...
you choose...
you decide...

why me? why not the other way around? hmm?=(

i'm sorry of saying this again...

be... i'm not moody because of today my work... and suddenly wanna cari pasal with u...
i'm also not in the mood of doing so too...
i started to feel like u too...
why? like u said, why did i msg u although u dance or teach... or even have exam that time?
why didnt i msg u to tell u that i started working or doing what so ever...?

i'm sorry for not doing that frequent...
but i did tell u...
where am i going...
who am i with...
what was i doing...
what am i to do later...
and many others...

i'm working also can do so...
be... no offence.. i'm not angry or moody just wanna cari pasal with u... or wanna suddenly say this out...
u think la...
u expect me to do so, telling u everything, but why dint u do so?
only i do? u dun need? or is it only for me to report to u?
and u only know what i do all day? i dun need to know what u doing?

for my part... a small doing, i dint tell u... u adi angry me...
i dint told u i fb... u angry me...
i dint told u i on9 or kenggai with frens... u dun like adi...

what bout me? should i be that way too? i dun... why? i respect u and i trust on what u do... its not that i wanna complain ups and downs...
why dun i get the same thing?
why dun u tell me?
i've been noticing lately....

i ask u questions... u dun answer me...
u dun reply properly...
u dun tell me...
only when i ask...
u tell me a little... and nothing much... is it nothing much??

for example, like today... just now.. be4 ur dance...
i know u dint sleep... i tot u might sleep... its ok for that...
but u dint sleep... u dint tell me what u doing...
u dint tell me wat things... i dun mind the phone rings... my dealers also wont care...
its ok also... then i asked u.. what did u do... u only told me...
kept table lo..on9 just now...
still ok.... i asked u in 3 smses... what did u do on9? fb? msn? or both??
as if i will know? is it?

i know u spent ur time of dance to sms me... but could u say... i've started? like always? what happened lately??

all these above has happened to me b4...
all these above also u angry me b4...
but where's ur part?
did i angry u when u do so?
did i kept saying the words to hurt u?
u might not feel so... but i'm hurt... u neva felt i was hurt rite? hmmm...

i really dun feel like saying more... when i did sumthing wrong... or sumthing bad...
its not i wan.. its not i purposely do so... tell me if u dun like it...
just i dun like what u did just now... what is it... why... then enuf d... but what u said? its was like so hurt....
"u like to do what, u do la... i cant force u also..."
" u feel like doing what, go ahead"
" u like how then how la, i also cant care d ma... rite?"
the worst of all...
" we also nothing d ma... u dont do, i also cannot do anything de ma.. rite?"
and...
" u like la..."

all these words used on me...
i know u felt pain...
i know u had the misery...
i know u encounter all the cuts and stabs on ur heart...
but...
do u really know the other way now?
do u really know what am i feeling too?
is it a payback to me for ditching u at the 1st place?
is this a payback? if it is... ok then... i'll have nothing to say... i'll accept it...


lastly... i have been thinking lately... i may have made the decision of leaving u at the 1st place... i know its my mistake... i'm sorry...
although as well, i want u bek... really want u bek....
but u kept saying that me like playing sand...
me like dun know reliable or not...
what if i leave u again?
as long as we r happy....
we would have the happiest moment of our lives....
why should we bother of the past or the future?
would u know the future?
or could u control the past?
what we could do is the present...

i just wish that we have like those days of the past....
i'm looking at the past because i want things like the same...
or if can, be as similar as possible...
i really want u bek...
i want u bek... because i love u...
i need u... and i know u still like me...
why dun we try to c, how long we could last? rather than like this pulling and dragging...
u think that we are frens... u tot we are frens like this?
no lo...
even though i dun kiss u...
i dun hug u...
i dun even go out with u.....

u think that we are not together still?
no lo...
why? we sms....
we call...
yes... we communicate... we talked everyday on everything...
we mention anything also can...

but u c... if we are frens... we shud have adi not do like this...
if i talk to any girls... u adi dun have the mood to talk to me...
why?
u still care of me...
u still is inlove with me...

i know u might say... go ahead la...
we r frens ma...
do as u like... do as u pleased... do as u wish...
i dun care and i cant stop u adi....

no be... no no no.... why do i do so? is it i treat this like a test?
r u testing me too??
hmm... why do i really do so?
its because i've been telling u...
i treat u special...
i want u be my precious...
i want u be my girlfriend once again...
i'm not playing a fool...
i just want the old days...
how we used to be...
how we make people jealous of our relationship....

now... its up to u...
up to u to make the decision...
if u think, we are good like this... then stay like this la....
i got no comment...
but i wish we could be together again...

i wan u... i adi said "yes", now i hope for ur answer....
i know i will be not as sincere as standing in front of u... telling it in front of u.... i just cant find the suitable time... in front of u... i wont say these things... i dun want u cry adi....
but i'm here... i wish to know the answer....
do u want me as ur boyfriend or not?
do u really still love me?

i really love u with my heart...
do u? i just want you telling me, frankly....
dun say its not time...
or other things...
i just want a yes... or no.... not both together...
if yes, i'll know what to do...
if no, i'll also know what to do....
i want your decision... ok?


(i'm no angry or anything la... just curious k? not moody only bring this out k? i'm just curious and want to know the answer... )

explaination? its more like repeatation... :(

what is it u want??

this time i dint let u know... because i know u would be like this...
this time i dint let u know... because i dun wan u to be curious on what we say... i dun wan to explain what we said be4, i dun wan is because i still think that u dun trust me....
this time i dint let u know... i'm sorry... i know its my fault... but am i cheating? or did i show that i cheated or did i wish to cheat?? no ma, rite? if u wanna think its yes... i nth 2 say lo... am i that a player??

u said, this makes u dun trust me...
u said, this is why u dun trust me...

does it relate? no... all i think u just wan to say is because i din tell u that she smsed me... u still wanna like tell me back, how to trust u ma? u still saying that the "trust" thingy... why? its because u said u forgot the past... and its NO.. u say u dint wanna care d... then why say like i cheat outside??

u adi see the contents...what we wrote to each other... what we say... am i to say i have feelings for her? why i layan her? its because she is my cousin and i'm going to her place... like for just now... she smsed me... i dint layan... but now... do u believe? no... u wont... why? its because after the first day we started to break up on ur b'day... u neva trusted what i ever told u... u neva trusted what i ever said... how am i to tell u... and believe it or not... she really asked me... how am i today... bz a? or bz kau lui??

why is she to say that?? why is she to ask me that?? why is she so close to me?? why is she everytime to find me but not others...?? she caring?? no way!! i dun give a thing whether she likes me or not... i dun give a damn that whether she have feelings for me or not... i dun even care!! why?? its because u are the one i love... its because u are the one i care... i wan u know that u're special... i wan to know u are important and nothing can replace u... but did u care? did u notice? i think not...

thanks for coming? thanks for acc-ing u?? do u think i do all those things is to enjoy ur word "thanks"? i dun wish u thank me... no be.... its not... its because i love u... u know i do... i wish that u know i'm doing this because i love u...
i dun even know why am i crying because of this... its so pain... one small matter like that... u could adi like this... what is this to u?? a payback to me? i also dun even know why am i writing this for... u also dun know will see this or not...

i'm sad is not because u dun trust me... its because after one year... u compared me with that idiot... or known to be an asshole... u wan to compare me and him... are we the same?? he is an asshole.. going after his own cousin... i know u experienced be4... i know its pain to u too... u also have this conversation long time ago... we had this... cousins to me is still cousins... i wont fall for them... i wont even think of doing so... why? they are cousins... my family... not my lover... not my special one...

even if there is a girl... after me... or many girls... after me... i told u before... i told u many times too... i wont go after them... why???
i told u many times...
i wont simply start another relationship while i'm having one...
i wont simply like another girl because its not fair to my current one...
i wont simply miss any girls or have any intention on another girl...
even if the girl or girls are after me... onto me... kiss me or anything...
i wont simply go into the relationship with her...
i wont simply go and kiss her back...
i wont simply do anything except is to stop her and push her away...

why i wont simply?? its not fair to the person i'm currently in love with...
its also because u are the person i'm inlove with...
i wont simply say i love you to people, why? because i mean it.... i mean every single lovely words that i say to the person... i dint do that to anyone... i dint say that to another girl when i'm with u...

why is it u dun trust me?? am i to leave u?? am i to find another one and ditch u again?? did i find another one to ditch u before?? its all u think de... its all what u thought to be... its not me... its not what i did.... its neva me on these cases...

from samantha, to yuki, to bell, to my cousin, and to so on la... any one la, did i not talk bout this with u?? did i not say these problem to u...?? did i not write many smses to explain the situation to u?? did i not say anything about them?? any girls la... dun care who la... dun care any girl la... did i not??? all is a past d... but did i really found another one?? or did i plan to? and... if u dun believe in me... did i get another one d? or i cant get? thats why i came bek to u??
no!! if u think like that, u are definitely wrong wrong wrong!! its because i neva change my love for u...

be, i know if i say u shud be thankful that i'm explaining all to u... no guys would do it.... then u'll say, find another one that dun need to explain lo... dun say u dint say this be4... u did...
if i were to say, i neva explain so much things to a girl be4, i'm tired of explaining... then u'll tell me, go ahead and find another girl lo... why explain to u?
if u think like this... i nth 2 say... cause i'm not a player.. simply change gf...

be... there are so many words i wish to tell u... but all u give bek me is negative thoughts de... because of me? what did i do? interested in all girls but u?? talk and sms with another girl and having sweet talks with them except u? although u are with ur ballet, piano, assg, ballet assg, family then only free to bother me... i also dint stop telling u what my situation is... i dint find another one to ditch u... its not i dint do all u ask for... i tried... and i'm still trying... why am i trying??
why am i to make it so hard? because u tell me to... i respect ur words.. i rmb if i can... i make myself do so... why? its because i love you... i need u...

who is the guy to kept smsing u although u kept on teaching and dancing?? who is the guy who explains everything to u?? who is the guy no matter which girl comes and talk... no matter which girl smses him... dun care, and still only sms u the most??
who is the guy?? i dun know.. u tell me... u must be saying... if i think u r the troublesome and annoying kind of girl... stay where we are... as frens lo... dun find me lo... find another caring kind of girl lo...

NO! i dun mean this.... i din mean to... i dint even think of this... i dun wan to leave u... i dun wan u to leave me too... is that so hard yo understand my thoughts too?
i want u bek.. although i made the decisions be4, leave those memories behind k?? i knw its hard... i know its pain... i know its unfair for u... i'm sorry.. i know also sorry cant replaced the scattered glasses... give me the chance to mend it bek, at least to make the best out of it...?? ok??

be, i dun want to find any other girls anymore... if i do, its only when u r the one who dun want me... i really dun know what to say anymore... i wish for ur understanding... but u seem to like find my mistakes and made it to be like this...
why cant u understand why i smsed her? i told u d... the other way around... if i were u, u would kept thinking... why must i to sms her..?? why cant i dont layan her rite?? its because she dun have really frens or good family members... i treat her well last time is because i think that she is very kelian person... but ever since u dun like it... i start to slow down... i start to ignore her messages d... if u dun believe, i also nth to say...

lastly la... if ur cousin were to ask you, why dint u tell me u graduating? or convo? would u think that i've been talking to her?? or even smsing her?
if ur cousin were to ask u too, just now i smsed u... why dint reply when u meet up?
what were u to say?? no batt? no credit? or i dun like to sms u?
oh ya, and if ur cousin were to have no frens or family members that are close to them to talk with... what do u do?? sit there and do nothing??
and dun think all stupid things... its definitely NO NO NO and NO!!!
if u would to see this... u would have said, like that a... go help ur cousin lo... go and be her bf or sum shit like that... i dun mean that way... i told u many times... she isnt my type.. and i'm not into COUSINS!! =(

u wan to believe it or not, its up to u... it was neva a person's actions to determine the trust or not... its always the other person who wish to trust the person on his or her actions or not..

if a person were to cheat, finding another gf behind your bek... dun need to explain, and u trusted him... he would be also not having this problem... even though the another gf said i love you and i miss u... if the guy were to say, its nothing de la... sum people playing him... u would also think its so... why?? because u trusted him...

but if the person was not to cheat... telling things like now i'm telling u... just a slight misunderstanding or known to be my mistake... neva tell u only that she smsed me... u saw the message content also.. u know it meant nothing much... not all those kiss kiss or miss u or i love you stuff... even though how long is my explaination to u... how i say, or what i do... u dun trust, what is the point?? why? because u dun trust me... u still dun want to believe i have nothing for her... or anyone else... its because u kept thinking i will leave u again... this is because u dun trust me.. thats why i'm doing this explanation blog... am i not worth to trust anymore??=( u decide..

after all my doings... going to meet u although working... ( i know u will sure say.. next time dun need d... or u can dont come to meet me during work de... or other things that are similar... i dun care d... i dun want to think of further possibilities d) going to see you almost everyday... its not i want to payback of what i've done... its not because i want u bek thats why i'm so good to u now only.... its because i love you... i want u be my special de..

u always say, now i do good, after i get u bek, u accepted me.. all be lost de..
i said no, did u believe? no... u dint.. u summore gave me the example...
u begged me to come and meet u during the morning when i was with u...
i kept thinking... did u beg? am i that bad although u beg? am i that not understanding enough even if u beg?? huh?? i dun recalled u beg me that bad... i dun recall if u begged, and i was that stupid and dumb.. or a bad person...
u asked me to come during the morning... and i said no.. why? everyday also go out... how to come..?? now i even reduce the time to go out with the gang... why?? to c u lo... do u know in my heart, how special u r??

ooo... ya... u sure said this de... definitely... why am i special to u now only...?? why only now? last time leh? this is because u ditched me, and now wan me bek, only treat me that nice?? NO!! last time i dint treat u good.. is my fault... i dint treat u good enuf... i'm sorry... ( i know cant replace for all the wrongs.. but i'm still trying my best to do... sorry...) last time till now u say i dint respect u.. din listen to u... i'm also sorry... i knw even if i told u i cried or what during this blog, u would also dun believe... i can tell u... i'm having tears coming out while writing this blog... dun believe, its ur call... i came home.. i adi started writing this... not bath.. not eat... but just to write this to u... i dun wan simply another small misunderstanding... u can adi think of so many things... i'm not that complicated u know?? phoebe... just remember i always loved u... neva others...

one small problem leads to a misunderstanding, then leads to a big mistake...in the end, bad memories and quarrelling... i'm trying to do my part to let u see... why? because i know u care for me de... i know u still do... i believe in u that u still do.. be... i dun know for the future or the past, as i've made so many promises to u... and neva half was fulfilled... but i can still tell u... if u still have the heart for me... trust me... love me like u always did... i wont leave you de... i wont leave you like last time... i wont de... i was immature... playful... i know my bad... please give me the 3rd chance to make things right k?? if u still sked of any possibilities that might can happen... i'm here... not to argue.. not to quarrel... i wish is sit down in front of each other and tell out the matter...

i dun wan "its just not now".. this is how u said to me last time... i really wish that we could be lovers and couples again... i know u want de... i can de... believe i can.. i really can.. tell me what u dun like.. not in the car today... say that i'm tired.. wan to go class d... and everything, last time, even 5 mins, u are able to prepare... now u need extra 10 mins to go down?... then use sms to tell me things.. i dun like this way anymore d.. anything.. tell me in person.. i dun wan u to fu yan me just to leave me d... then say wanna leave.. wanna go d.. then sent me the sms... i dun like this... i dun even like to blog like this... :( i dun like this...:(
i dun wan to lose u... i dun wan to forget our memories... i dun wan u to leave me... :(

nw again is my fault?

why is always my fault?

did i do anything wrong? huh?

why is me always the fault? =(

do u know.. i have used many calm messages to sms u...
to tell u what i did... to tell u where am i...
to notify u who am i with... to let u know what i've finished...
to tell u MYSELF to U...

now i'm not angry, its just my opinion what has happened just now... i hope when u read this.. dun angry or anything bad k? calmly read this... anything i say affected u... i'm sorry... but this blog, also have sumthing about u de... i'll go straight to the point...

and before everything happens... u have slept 5 mins d, then started teaching...
i msg u hw many a? 3 msg? u just think one sorry will do?
u might think that i'm very selfish and small gas person... go ahead... i'm that small gas... why do u think i'm like that? u said i've changed... yes.. i have... because of matters that u have trained me... oh ya... i'm a pusher now rite? kept blaming u... be... think of it la... =( am i that small gas person?? i dint lo... i dint say why u dint sms me... why leh? today is sat, ur most busy day... why is there for me to angry leh? i think of ur day too...

think back la.. i just miss ur msgs by two only... or i told u i was working, then i cant sms u... then u'll be very upset la... angry la.... omg... what has happened??last time u will be very calm.. tell u that i'm bz... then u'll wait... after i fin bz... then i tired and also sms u la...same thing also ma... just put memories aside... is it i did sumthing bad be4 that? after that? i think its after that... the pics and everything rite? hmm....

just now u dint reply me the 3rd msg... did i felt angry? did i simply sms u? every 2nd message of urs if i have the time, only if i'm sleeping... i also would have got it.. and message u back... after 3rd message, one sorry and u think its ok adi? but did i say anything of it? did i mention anything to scold u bek? no lo... if u think bek.. u werent like that to me be4 lo... be.. i start to think... its not me which changed... its u... and u wan to say i'm a pusher again... so be it.. i also think that u are the one which changed... because really last time, u werent like this... i und u r tired and busy today... one sorry, i'll take it.. i know u are very tired of this too...

u can say i like to count this and count that... why? what makes me count? when i do bek... u angry vf me... i dint payback anything also... my point was so simple.. why couldnt u understand? i just call u to end ur day by ur bath, make nice nice... then have time for me... got wrong??

u werent like that... i know u will tahan and everything... but at least u tell me what were u doing... u would not reply me short message and say u was taking sumthing... sumthing? u last time would have explained it... if not, u must be bz... thats what i did bek for u... i really tot u were rushing or doing sumthing...
dont i know u are tired? dont i know u are very very tired and also sms me?? i know lo.. why? u slept for 5mins.. then u teach? and then from that very moment... u teaching ma rite? hw to rest?

but if u think properly, why did i ask u to bath? ur internal body is very hot de... cool down ma... why dun u cool down 1st? and then... i mai ask u to bath 1st lo... what did i do wrong? i call u to bath also seems i dun wan to sms u??

if i dun wan to sms u, why shud i kept replying? i can just put my phone there ma...
i was so affected after ur teaching... u say u cant go to the dinner with me...
i dun know whether u got defend for me or not... and i was sure u did... but u shud know that the robber case was not my fault also... she wanna think like this about me? then i think u shud have changed her mind ma... rite? then my impression to ur mum.. bad d lo? but nw after this blog thingy... my impression to u.. would also be no better... but for ur information, i did defend u a lot from my mum... she started to see good in u... but then... nw we like this... =(

think bout this la be... think la...
if i dun wanna sms u... why must i kept smsing u??
oh ya... rmb this... while i was writing this... u smsed me..
u say do what i requested... fin all ur work... yup i did say it...
but did u read properly?? did u every try to read what i say? u kept saying its me who change... but this time, its u....
u are always angry to me... a little bit thing, u angry... little bit more... u wanna scold... what is happening to u?? i adi say things properly lo... i adi call u do things 1st lo.. not free time only sms me lo.... if u have free time, i adi happy, cause i could call u go out anytime...

oh ya... and u say u were never doing 1 thing at a time... u say u must "multitask" everytime... i say be4 i'll understand... but nw is u dun understand from me lo....
i dint reject u... i dint say "I DUN WANT TO MESSAGE MYSELF TO U LO"

thats what u said... not me... i wasnt the one who rejected to sms u...it was u... its not i dun wan to sms... its not i kept calling u to do things... bathing hw u sms me?? hmm? call u bath and kau tim 1st also got wrong? i really dun wan the "wait a" then sorry... i bathing...
all of this, to u might be i'm pushing blames to u... but i can tell u, its not... its just my opinion...

i'm not angry of what u did... but i hope... when i call u to do sumthing u dun like or dun wan, ask me why did i do so... why are u pushing me... ,tell me what's ur reason also... calmly tell me.... ok?? i also wanna know ur reasons too... this way, i'll also do it to u as well... i will also ask u de...

like just now lo... if i call u to bath and kau tim urself... so that u could sms me ma.... but if u tired... but u still wan to sms me... ask me why lo... why call u to bath ma.... same thing goes for me... if u call me to do my work 1st, but i'm kinda free wor... i'll ask u why rite?? =)

all i think now is our communication is very bad... everything and everytime also quarrel... but, in person, i dun see what we quarrel lo... do u quarrel or angry with me when u c me? except for the kisses and hugs la... other than that, are u angry on me?? but for me.. i'm not.. i dun quarrel with u in the car or breaky ma.. right? why are we quarrelling then? nvm for all this la... this is what i need to change.. and u need to see also.... we are actually not having any problems... if we had, we would be quarreling in front of each other when we meet up lo... or is it u are just having patience in me? tell me... if u really dun wan... then i reduce the level until no more...

from now on... this is i say de... we dun quarrel k? i'll try to reduce the misunderstandings k?? i wanna try for us to stop quarrel... i hope u read this, dun get angry... save this relationship with me also k? i'll do my part... i know u have done urs... but let me do my part... hmmm...

PUSHER?~?

firstly i wanna say... i dint push...

secondly, i'm not a pusher...

thirdly, i'm not the one who has changed..

there is no one who changed, changes, or have been changing...
no one... its because now the environment for us both have changed...
its not me... its not also u...
there is no one...
why i say like this... its because there is an misunderstanding between us...
i dint say u wrong or i dint mean anything u are wrong...
see be...

the case of the pictures.... its me who took the pictures... i was bad,its my fault... and i tot v adi mention on this case d? hmm... but u were jealous... i just finally understand why u will jealous after last two days of argument... i dint know that the picture case means so bad to u... i understand hw u feel only after the argument... but u must tell me... we calmly sit down... then tell me... not angrily send me the message and scold me... then when the picture taking happens the 2nd time between me and pit yee... u know its my college mate... what could she do to me?? all sorts? hmm... and she posted on9... its with her blackberry... its long time really dint see each other since she was bek from ipoh and australia... so mai meet with her lo... the reason we took pics is because i have her old pics in my phone for so long... i just shown her the pics me and her only... then she say we take again to see any differences mou... then mai see lo... she say much have changed... then she posted... (i'm not making up stories... i just dun know hw to explain in the sms... its adi so long)

haiz... ai yo... u also told me... if i know its ur college mate.. i sure wont care de.... i wont be jealous that much because i know its from our college de... she is lo... my college fren... from so long... be4 i know u.... and if sumthing were to happen between me and her... omg... i wouldnt have u lo... but i dint ma... rite?? what could she do? fall in love with me? she wont de la... she wouldnt love my this kind... i know... why i know? because i know her type of boys d la... other girls i not so sure... thats why i dun have other pics... except like what u hated... (belle's pic and "baby" lo..) i really dint know anything lo...

for this "baby" thingy... i dint know at all.. if u could recall, i couldnt have the internet line like today that i've just repaid... hope to chat with u all night....
i cant see any "baby" word also lo... be, trust me la... i really dint know for this case... what u want me to do? scold her for putting "baby"?

be.. what was i trying to say was, u adi deleted my pics from ur fb d... we stated as singles d... if sum1 wrote this to me... (although i dint know.. but if i know also...) we r considered as singles ma... sum1 write to me or u... also they dint know.. u cant blame them also.. they see us as singles... i dint delete a single pic because i din wish too... but i dint know... what u mean as no turning bek... is u to forget everything about me... (we dint communicate 4that period of time... if u do like this... i'll sure think of this... same for u... if i told u no turning bek... and i deleted all ur pics... from top to toe... what will u assume? )

and also... this is not to say who's fault... in people's eyes... we are singles d... thats why i called us to be bek together... its because when we are at the eyes of people that we are singles... we would have these matters... over and over and over... then kept argue and argue... its not we changed... or i changed... or u changed... its our status has changed... thats why we are arguing like this...

and now, if i kept i saying i dint know.. u sure say.. i always i dint know la... i this la.. i that la... end up... quarreling like this again... but its true... many things we dint know is because we are not side to side... kept arguing like this has no meaning... i know my temper has to control... but this time... i'm calmly explaining what has happened...

the case of ur b'day... i know tat day was ur b'day... i know its my fault not to sms u.. neva wish u... neva wish u on the 7th too... the biggest fault is me k? i dint meant to have a credit failure and phone no battery as well... i dint mean to have this problem to happen also... i know its my fault... i know its my bad... i know its past... i know it wont happen a 22nd year old for u again... but i'm trying my best to make sure i dun forget it again... i wont forget to bring charger to charge if no battery.... i wont forget again to reload everytime near ur b'day k?? this one i'm sorry and i can promise u is because i wouldnt make ur b'day that bad ever again... and i tot there was a celebration between us for ur b'day? we could make a belated de ma... this sunday perhaps??

forgive me la be... misunderstanding happens... although we not side to side... we also can make this happen de... i'm sorry k? i'm no pusher... i dint push any fault to u.... its as if i'm saying all u bad... no be... not ur fault... i'm bad.... i'm wrong... but u also must understand, not i'm saying u are wrong again k? listen properly... read this properly... i dint push.. i dint blame u.... i'm just saying that ur temper also need to control... ur sms also need to use different words to show ur tone k? cause ur tone and ur words... gives me an impression that i'm always that forgetful... gave me the impression i'm always not having the heart to rmb ur time table... i'm sorry... i know i dint remember... but u say... "u dint rmb also, told u so many times" =.= that makes me like as if my heart is sumwhere else... at sum1 else... no be... its always and has been with u... neva change...

hmm... i dun know what that means also lo... its i'm blur? just now like u smsed me... say i blur? then i started the so called "pushing"? be.. calmly read this again... its not my fault i angry also... me dint rmb... i know its my fault for my temper... but ur smses has no tone de... if u read like this... i tot u like angrily scolding lo... summore show me faces... ok.... i know when i write like this... u also will say... i'm a pusher blaming u... then say next time u wont write the way i dun like.... u wont write this way that i dun like... u change just for this misunderstanding.... NO NO... i dun mean like this... i dun mean next time all also must be smiley faces for me... no... i just mean that if can... be urself... if can also... just say only... if i forget.. just say i forget... i forgetful... enuf lo... told u many times?? u know i forgetful... if say like this... so it makes as if i no heart de lo... i'm just asking for u to say things very calmly manner... same goes for me... no more arguing from now on k? dun listen to the phone and straight away kept blaming urself...

be... one more thing... i dun like u kept blaming urself k? i dun like u kept saying its ur fault... then in the end.. it sounds like i kept blaming... being a pusher to u.... please be... when its my fault... i calmly understand where is my fault... (i'll try to control my temper.. and really calm to understand..) but same for u... when its ur fault... then must listen to me k? anything u dun like... tell me straight away... like i dun like u and that girl together chit chat... give me time... i'll follow... rmb yuki and samantha? i did also... u say u dun like.. i din chat with them d ma... its because i treat them frens.. and i need time to so called "un-friend" them... hmm..

i'm sorry... i need to control my temper... i also need to control my sayings to u too... i just wish u everyday can sms me what u do, doing, and done... and i'll do the same... be, i rmb v have explained why i so forgetful... i rmb i told u... my head could only store 30%, if more... others i write down... i hope i could have a timetable like ur sis to tiong... i adi created my timetable for u.... to rmb all ur timings, i really need one... if i forget... and so if i dun rmb... u scold me la... ok?? then its my bad d... its not i no heart and say like u bad, u dint get me a timetable.. i shud have be more caring... get to know all ur timings.. but i really couldnt store it... when i store it... i cant rmb what i'm doing... i need to use my brain for my work and memory to rmb my work... i'm sorry.. i promise u that i will always have the timetable with me and rmb the timing to sms u... ok?

be... this time.. my fault is i dun rmb... my fault is also i sms u late... after lunch dint sms u... but misunderstandings is not caused by one person only....
u also have a little responsibility and fault to consider....
its ur tone to say people...not saying until people like no heart... its u awake, really dint sms me also lo... i rmb u always awake, dun care i doin wat.. u will sms me... @.@ i'm awake... hmm.. but today, u dint lo... then i dint know u can wake up for teaching.. because i dint know u woke up... then our anger came out again...

from small misunderstandings, to wrong timing... to bad temper of me... i'm sorry again... i know my faults... but i hope that in ur mind, next time... i'm no pusher and i hope u know there is sum of ur faults too... be... rmb... i dun push blames to people and say i'm right... i dun push all kinds of blames to u and just say u r wrong... and i'm right...

be, i dun wish to make an impression to u that i'm a pusher... its because we are singles.. and i made the decision last time... and now i wish i could make the decision so that we could be back together... u want us to stay as frens... rite? i know the decision couldnt change... i know the decision once made, couldnt be altered... doesnt it sound like a rule to u? rules cant change or altered once done?
be... all i'm asking is the 3rd chance... 1st is because of my dad's case.. i dint wan it to happen also... no money is always an issue... because i need the money just to see u... (its not i mean that everytime i c u.. must use money k?, its sumthing like this..)if i no money.. hw to drive and meet u? meet u dun need money... but my car does... no car.. i also cant c u... rmb that situation? why must i so called "ditched" u? or known to break up? if i dun see u... dun chat with u... it'll end up like this... kept arguing... that moment.. i din want us to be like this...
2nd... is because that u think i got affairs and many misunderstandings on ur b'day too.. there isnt a point for me to say d... u think i got affairs.. means u dun trust me... (be... i know u trust me.. its not i want to bring this issue again... but just assume the other way around... i ask why is there so many brothers of urs? and then many gorgor stuff and talkings... i dun like hw they sounded too..... it sounds like u having affairs also lo... rite? no ma... its because i trust u... thats why i dun bring this matter to u...) thats why i kept saying u dun trust me... i know taking pics with girls.. is my fault.. but "baby", "miss me a?" and others is not i flirt or anything to get that kind of message in fb... but think once more... its us not being into the relationship, we are singles, and u deleted all pics of me and u... there isnt any connection between us... so people write like that, there is no wrong... next, its u dun trust me... u could have asked why she call u baby or missed me? not start shooting me by "omg... hw i can take this... hw i can tahan this thingy..? baby???" no be... listen and read carefully... i dint know anything lo.. i know u will be pissed and angry... but for myside... i really dun know a single thingy of that message that is sent to my fb profile also... this is why i kept saying u dun trust me... and kept giving u the impression i'm a pusher lo... kept blaming u... hmmm... i know its my fault to take pics vf her... but it was way be4 the baby was said... i was going to ask u... hw is her looks.. then delete d... from the working pics... u could c that i have no credit at 1st.. then left a bit of battery... then take pics.. one place after another... take one pic.. then work.. then waiting... then take.. then work.. i know its my fault.. i shud have find a phone to contact u but not taking pics.. my fault... i know i started this bad impression to u... dint do as a bf shud do... but what i think is u shudnt kept shooting... people also dun know... hmm.. neva mind la... (my sayings for this incident is long adi... dun wanna kept it so long.. its past d... and its long because this is the case of us for the 2nd time...)

my meaning of there is no wrong or right is because v both also got wrong... i'm wrong... and u are wrong too... usually its like this, both wrong only misunderstandings happens...

again... lastly... i'm no pusher and i'm sorry.... hope u understand what am i going through... and i'll try to change k? write in here if u want to reply on what was ur situation... i'll understand and try to adapt.. (but mostly i adi know d... because u have said to me and i've stated on top...)and i really really hope... u could be my gf once more.. i dun want all kinds of u like and i like d... i also dun like to type that d... i'm sorry i started typing it first k? (dun care who type 1st, but its my fault too k? to fire bek like that... hmmm, sorry..) i just really wish the days of us being together happens again... i really really hope u could be my gf once more...hmmm... i dun wan to wait no more... the more v wait.. the more v hate each other... why? its because of all these misunderstandings... be, be my gf once more k? leave this all behind k? we start a new one... forget the pain.. rmb the experiences.. dun commit again mai can lo? i'll try de... give me one more chance can ma?