it's been a while since my last post on9...
have been bz with my studies and lately on a bad emo days....
i've been questioning myself... what and why....
so many questions in my head spinning about what and why....
why this...
why that...
what do u mean by this...
and what do u mean by that....
it's so hard to understand and yet..
the answer is still not found...
the best part is...
i thought the answer is found...
i thought the solution is in hand...
and i thought the matter was resolved...
but it wasn't...
it was so hard to accept the fact...
so hard to accept the reality....
i wish i could express all the words and feelings out....
but i dont wish that rumors and bad comments to wonder around...
because i dont wish to have people saying bout me that i'm gossiping...
all the things that i've done couldn't be compared...
all the things that i've wished for dint came out...
but all the things that i've not wished for... it came all out!!
omg... i'm really really really in the depression mood right now... couldn't help myself...
i wish i did... but it cant...
all the things that i really hope for is just a little kind of sweetness back... is that really hard to give?
all the things i've done, i didnt want the whole world to be given back to me... but at least a response of good... telling me that i appreciate ur work.. and really mean it...
all i want is just a good explaination.... not the same old words...
what makes u to say that to me?? what is the thing that i've done that struck ur feelings??
i've been thinking for so long...
why and what??sometimes i really wished that the why and what questions to not exist....
that will make me not think so much...
but however the what and why seems to make me curious...
making me hard to breath day by day...
the second i think bout the matter...
that second will made me hard to breath....
its like my heart pumping less blood every second...
pain and suffering...
creating lots of misery and suffering...
why is there people saying that "its not fair"?
what makes the people say so...?
i know the world is unfair....
but what makes people to say so?
although i'm not the one being unfair to people and not people being unfair to me...
but its just seeing some people being unfairly treated.. but still wanna go for it...
this is not acheiving something good... this is called torture....
its not something that u want... and u know it...
but why?? the feeling?? the emotion?? the past?? the future?? or the present??
and what?? the looks?? the characteristics?? the things u've given to him?? or the things that u've received??
when people knows that its not something to die for... or something worth for doing so...
they tend to back off.. and try something else....
which they think that will be better than the road or thing that they are dying for...
although they will not know about the risks... and the returns....
but then... its better than dying for something that the person knows its not worth....
and what if the thing is worth more than ur previous choice??
what if the thing is better than ur previous choice??
and what if the person knows that the thing is better...
will u go and take the risk?
why take riskes that have no returns?? its 0% and u know it...
its 100% completely going to have zero returns...
it also means that what u give as 100%... will come back as 0% return...
and the another risk is that u think that is less than 100% risks... but gain at least more than 15% returns...
why dont u take that thing/road? why suffer in the old thing or the road that u choose??
u've studied much... u've done many researches... the best part is... u already experienced it too...
why still go into the broken and wrong road? why choose the wrong thing??
and u still want to lie to urself that u are in the correct route? that u choose the best thing for urself??
to everyone looking at my blog.. try to think this way and comment in my post...
try to think as a logical person here... i'm depressing and emo... so kinda bad mood... so better pls pls pls... dont joke or fool around with my blog... (i'm so sry if i hurt or affected anyone's feelings)
the example...
if u know that the vase is colourless, cracked and old...
will u go and take the risk to buy that vase?? or will u tend to change it or not??
and if u saw that there is another vase that will fulfill ur desires and fulfills its jobscope as a vase...
will u go and take a look at the vase and eventually try it??
u compared it... u see the price is the same...
will u buy the broken vase or the vase that will fulfill ur desires??
or will u keep the broken vase and tend to have the feelings for it.. because it just happen to followed u for the past few months??
what if the vase... that cracks... have open ledges that could cut u when u hold it?? what if the edges of the vase could hurt u?? will u still keep the vase just because of the feelings??
i really wish that people out there that sees this... will give me a logical and rational answer...
i really need that help now...
all of u might be thinking the same thing... but i could tell u... this blog mean no harm to anyone or anything... its just a way for me to express my feelings... TQ