its only u.. why make so simple to so complicated?

Well, this is the only place i can say what i can. no where else. everything i do, everything i say, everything i did, all seems to be nothing at all. nothing and dun really seems to even cared by you. all my mistakes would be remembered. all my good deeds would also turn to become bad. creating mess for you. making u tired and faint whenever you quarrel with me. and even worst.. I've caused you to stop talking to me?

have you ever wondered that there are some mistakes done by you as well? is there anything that you do is ever not wrong de? no lo.. not everything you do is correct de... i have my mistakes, my bad and my fault. sumtimes its not entirely mine. all you ever say i me that is at fault. purposely making you mad and suffer. what did i entirely do? i dun trust, i dun believe in you? purposely angry with you and purposely start every quarrel and turn and turn? no lo.. when there is a quarrel between us, i always think that what have i done wrong? what is my fault actually?

this is never to blame or anything. there is not always in my fault. what is the point i do so? is it fun? sorry, quarreling to me isnt fun.

have you ever wondered why am i at always jealousy? always thinking you are not chatting with me? always thinking of you?

jealousy starts because i care for you. i know your timings. i wish to be the first one that u would message me of. telling me what u did. what happened to you. what you have done for the day. dun be only reading my msgs and then do nothing of it. other than that, its not i check on you. there is nothing and no point for me to do so. Whatsapp has always the whole timing there. there is a counter there. i could see the timing u have online. dun tell me that it is not correct or anything. watsapp could be wrong sumtimes. but then all i see was u were online and there were nothing typed to me. there isnt anything from you to me. then u went offline. then online again. which i have gone through many times, thinking what is there a need for you to do that to me. what is that i have done that you would do this to me?

before i have met you, i always trusted you and thought that you are really very busy and at all times, you are just checking on your work and assignments and your exams. which i can really bare that. Yes, i have been asking you whether are you busy or anything. so that i wish you could tell me, yes. what are you busy of. or what are you actually doing. i wish that you could just tell me what you are actually doing. explain on what you did. just the brief on what on the things you are actually doing. is that so much to ask for? just a simple word, assignment is due soon, therefore you would need time to do so. like you have rushed the assignment of yours.

but after i met you, the trust you were always asking was there still. but until i saw the chattings you have on your phone. even going on another app, talkbox? means you have neglected me. no need to think much. if you are just so busy with your work, you could actually left the phone there. there isnt the controlling that you must talk with me. i dun mind if you are actually finding people to do your assignment or maybe friends to talk to. then you could tell me that you are actually on your assignment. but instead the picture of luffy. chattings with the other people. not only on a phone. but two at the same time. how could you concentrate all the work? and the thing is, i am like bothering you chatting with other people. if you have me in your heart and mind, this is a thing that you should not have been doing. Yes, i am no one to you right now, but then if there is the love that you have said you have to me, this should not be happening.

how busy am i, how tired am i, and how much time i have spend on my work, the first thing and first person to talk to, was u. it was everything on u. you are in my mind and the first one to go to. even after the last customer, i have told you first and never others. and then, i cont my work until late night. there is nothing that i would want to tell others of except you. because i also want you to know what am i doing and what i have been through for the day. but what i got was nothing. sometimes just a few words. and worst is sumtimes is just you cant help me and continue my work then. nothing much. this wasnt you at all. when i was tired and having so much stress, you could come over and comfort me with words. maybe i got so used to it. but now all i get is? you know what you have typed to me. Yes, you have spend time replying me. but there i dont really know what you are actually doing. when i ask, there isnt any reply for long. you are really rushing, i can understand. at least i tried to call you and ask.

Wonder all these at your end. i also wan you to share your days with me. bad or good. is that so much to ask of? even now, after your assignments. you have exams which you need to study. at least make an effort to just reply my msg? nothing lo. i have been so busy whole day. i would also make an effort to tell you things and reply you. i wouldnt stop you from fb and those. but the more i dun say anything of it, the more i see is your replies on the fb. means that the watsapps i have been sending to you was just nothing and being neglected. its not i am stopping you for anything. just think of it, its just so simple. if you can reply the fb on your phone, means the watsapp is? you think you have not neglected because on your end, you just think that you are just replying on the fb only and nothing much. but reality is you just been replying fb instead of me. and i know now if you have read this, you would be saying i am blaming you for the things you have not done and you are actually not like that and much more. but just think of it, if there is a time of me replying fb and not your watsapps, what would you think? its just the same thing. it was just few weeks ago before when i have just did it. same thing done. replying fb instead of me. so what you wan, i have done. i just expect the same thing.

you everytime also say i dun believe you, i dun trust u, i suspect you and purposely check on you. but truly.. if the things above you have not done and i am not even close being treated the same you want from me, so what can i do? just sit there still and continue to let you kept only saying me but yourself? just think on your end on this matter. i dun have anything to hate. this is not hate. i just expected the same way being treated as i have treated you the same. which you think i din do.

what you thought of me, everything is i purposely make you mad. but think of it. the problems and issues always come from your actions. its not from me. if you have done your part, i wont be having this issue with you. if i did, then i am at fault. just tell me you havent did all the above. sorry, you cant lo. cause you actually did it. no need all the assumptions made. i have the things you have said to me. you know the truth of yourself. no need i further elaborate. you know what you have done. but all the saying above is what you think you have done for me. but actually, at my end here, you din even try to.

everytime there is always i blame u. if you never ever did it, where is the thing for me to say it? i not blaming at all. i am not. and last time. i am not blaming. neva blame. i am just saying why are you doing this to me.

everytime i also get assumptions. suspecting. dun trust u. and all kinds of hurtful words. i did lo. u say i din. why? why is there me saying all these words back to you? just because i like to quarrel with u and purposely find all the issues and argue with you. just the only word. you din tell or made the effort to even tell.

like that day u have no electricity, i was so worried for the long time. thought that you have hurt yourself because you are busy packing and the lights are out. but then no reply at the moment. but you called me. you made the effort. i have seen that. but after that moment, you went yumcha. is there anything i said that hurt u? i just sent caring messages asking you drink more water. you meant so much to me. even for a second that you have not replying me, i felt so down and worried at you at the same time. simply because i am not there with you. i never knew what you are actually doing there. just that simple only. if you tell me, which i would never wanted it to be as soon as it happen u must tell me like reporting to me. i din have anything to do with it. but you have assumed on your end and turned it to hatred and blaming me for doing all the hurtful words which i din do. not a single thing.

for today, i didnt slept for the whole night. rolling on the bed and waiting for your message. i know the morning you are actually rushing and no time at all even you are in the car. i know that even at the afternoon till night, you are actually rushing up and down. i still gave u a message, asking you to get breakfast and others. but till night, i saw u online. dint even say a word to me. Yes, i have continued that you are treating me like a wind and i am talking to the wall and many more. Hurt you much. but in fact, you have also hurted me for the whole day. always after a quarrel, you are just walking off like that. you told me that you would forget the things that have past and easily forget everything. but days have pasted to weeks. now months. i dun see anything that you have said are true. you still kept it in your heart and now ignored me to the max. neglected the things i have told you last night. no need to fight or anything, just read and understand what i have felt. you could also write the same thing to me. then it would not have gone through again and again. and Yes, i am no one to you. no need to tell. see the point here? no need to tell. that is why. i have been considerate. when you dont reply, i just stood there waiting for your replies. why not try to tell me how you felt as well? it would not go on and on. one case solved. then wont happen. but you prefer to let it be. leaving the problem stays there. once we quarrel, that is why it came back out and never ending. because at the first place, it wasnt solved. its like a room, messy and messy, never cleaned up. continuously and constantly being so dirty until when you want to clean it, there are already stains, which are hard to take of. if you dun like it stained there so that it wouldnt come back, then find a way to clean it up. not leaving there. the stains wont just go by itself.

lastly, the post you have posted. which is the below tag line. its me or not, i dun mind at all. but all i can tell you is i am not a hater. i din hate for the things you do. i am just saying it. if you dun like it, you can solve it on your own. by giving in. after you give in by just telling, Yes, my impressions at first would be bad. such as you have chatted with sum1 and others. same impression i would have when i tell you i am actually talking to sum1 else except you. but after that, did i ever talked about it back? not a thing.

you and i have broke up. which i have regretted so much. that day, i would never forget the moment in the car. just a small matter turns out to be so bad made. i thought that giving you time to relax, you would be able to get it over as well. my mistakes wasnt like that extreme that i was never to be forgiven. for what i have done to you, i have said sorry and meant it so much. but what you did that what i have done to you, i just have a day to two, then i would be ok.

i said i have given you time. but the more time i have given for you to cool down and have time to think of it. the more time i given was to spend on the other things instead of thinking of it. exams, then assignments. dances to teachings. finding so much money now was the reason. when it was with me, the things were to be the same, and there are also money coming in already. is it you are making losses? i neva knew anything of it. then if there isnt losses last time and you would make profits already, why use the time i have given to use and find even more? just to buy a car? what kind of car are you actually expecting? and the car wont be a matter already if you are actually paying upfront. it wont be the same like me and i am not struggling to pay my car. except for the past few months, my salary isnt in. that is why i am struggling awhile. that was all. it isnt the same.

and the post,

Let the haters hate. They don't worth your time and effort.
Love the people that love you. They are the ones that worth ur time and effort. ♥

i am the person that loves you. am i a person not even worth your time and effort? is there an effort done? or is my efforts not done enough or properly done? i dun know if you dun tell. my efforts is it really not enough? is my efforts to be just leaving you with your friends and sees you from behind? seeing you happy then i would be happy? i actually am. this is what i am actually doing. seeing you from far away. which i also couldnt get to see your happy face. or laughter. or your smile. nothing at all. that is a reason why am i kept asking for your picture. for just a look at your smile, which that day you ate the meal. it was a happy moment for me. that was already enough. when you say i dun come, even you are at college, i wouldnt come. i waited for the green light from you. i really missed the two moments. Mcdonalds and the cafe at solaris, that moment i wish it would never have ended. you were actually doing work and then hugging me and hiding in my arms. that moment really calms me so much. really.. i didnt mind all the pictures sent or messages of yours coming in. cause i know you are mine. but time passes, i am sorry for the words i sent you. i thought you would have told me even if i wouldnt ask. and i know if i have asked, then the matters like this would happen. i am sorry for asking. it seems i dun trust you. but really, if there isnt the trust from me, i would have just walked away. but i didnt.

if you want to clear of your mind on the issue yesterday, so i gave you time. give you even more until now, that i am actually sitting here alone myself typing this long line in my blog. i dun even know you would actually see this or not. as you are only the reader. no one actually knew this blog of mine. but i gave you time, there isnt a message saying you needed more time to even think of the matter or time to solve the issue. just that, i see u fb and post this. busy on what i wouldnt know. what is being done on your end, i would have not know for sure. i wish to know, but i know my wish wouldnt come true. not all wish of mine would come true although it is achievable.

have a good night. i rest my case. i hope you do the same. hmm..

I dun know what is wrong with you

Yes, as this title. I dun really know what is wrong with you. I had a bad morning. Adi very late. got scolded. add on, your hurtful words in the morning. it has brought me a bad morning. A bad start, a bad day. i always tot you have my back. supporting on what i did. on what i do. i always think that when i let u know my bad day, i purposely share the things i have today. i think that i have been doing my part. telling you what i have been. Just for a shoe. i told you that my shoe broke. then I dun know what is to smile about. then you say u have your days that your shoe broke, shud i smile too? Is it all my bad things you have to smile for it? Dun it makes you think of yourself very fake to me? if not, sorry. but i do. no need to think or assume or anything. there is nothing for me to do so. cause you are making me feel like i am an idiot. go ahead. i am already an idiot to you right? right or wrong, you gave me that answer.

i have been telling you what i have done, where i go, and what i do. nothing have been better for me for today. and you are smiling. and you tell me that you r really smiling. smiling on my bad things. and when i replied, you tell me you are not faking it. cant change my mind and call me assuming. ok then. cont smiling on the bad deeds happening to me. you call me fix, as if i am the super guy. that knows how to fix everything. even the cobbler tells me it can be fixed but super exp until i can buy one. super glue can fix your boots. which part of your boot is broken? compare to mine. so if you dun know, did you even ask which part? nothing. din ask and only smile. the worst is you are smiling. which you are adi faking of it. no point to smile, but you did. I dun know what is wrong with you. this is a matter of sad. what is to smile about? if this aint fake. what is it? fake adi then tell me that i am assuming. if i assume that is. no point show me. keep back the real you and be fake. you are adi doing it, how can you keep yourself back when you have already kept the real you back? its like u have eaten and say you havent. then cont eat and you say no need to eat. so what is it you are actually saying? i dun know la. you want to faint, then faint la. cause i dun even know what is ur intention of doing so. the only thing i know from your actions if you said you are, means that you dun wan listen to my things anymore, dun wanna know of it, and kept it aside. right? ok. cont then.

you can dun read this at all. cause what i say is bad on myself, its a smiling matter to you. smile more then. smile then faint ok? i have purposely do all the things for you. thinking of time to spent with you. you told me that after your assignment and exams, you would find time for me. you would try and give me a part of your time. am i asking for 3nights again? 2nights? a night? no lo. nothing on it. i just would want to be last time i come and look for you. at least you have given me a part of your time. i am not asking for all. even now you have ended your assg and send it to be printed out, i dun really know what you are doing. there is nothing much for you to do anymore except your readings for your exams. which you always do it last min. dun tell me you are actually studying and everything. which i know you arent doing it. and btw, did you even tell me? yes, i am nobody to u. and u meant so much to me. is it i must do and you dun need to? so yes, i am the idiot now right? no need to wait for you right? wait also no use and wait also nothing de. dun mean anything to you except the stress i am giving right? what i did, what i do, what i give..

i aint expecting much of u. i din really wan all of your time. u need it, i give. and now, u telling me dun wait and everything. its so hurtful. when u purposely do sumthing for sum1, the sum1 tells you no need to, cause u are doing actually nothing. what u would feel? nothing? smile only? i really dun know what is wrong with you. i dun really wan this post to be posted in my blog. this is nothing to you at all. right? but this post mean so bad to me. i posted this because i wan you to know what i felt. no need to argue through the phone. i am so tired of arguing on this matter. on and on. keep on going and going. you tell me that i am going and going nonstop. i have given and accepted that we arent together. but what i wish is we get back together. and stop all the fighting. what is the need to fight? you have no time. i accept. at least i get sumthing like you would try your best for me of what i have done. i am not wanting any sympathy or anything else than your love. i dun wan all the bad things that made u sympathy of me then only get back with me. i wan you to know what am i doing for you and will do everything i could for u. i just wan the days of us not to be wasted. i dun wan only memories of the past. i wan for the present and future as well. dun you und anything from this line?

just let the past go. we have broke up. that was past. now head on the future. give me a chance for the present i have? dun you understand at all? i have put the past aside. why cant you? why are we still quarrelling? you say this and that i couldnt explain to u. at least i tried. the picture of the girl in my phone, is it real? really real? that is to just disturb my collegue. try and ask if you wan. there is nothing for me to hide. i disturb my colleague is because the girlfriend of his always plays with his phone. so if she checks out, she would be asking questions. just a disturbing matter. and the gf of his wont mind. thats what he said. we as in his colleagues are just playing. trying to see. thats all.

but your side. yes, u and your bros are into One Piece and everything. sending you pictures of luffy and everything. did you even try to explain why is he sending you pics? just because you both are into the movie? tell tat to a fren of yours, see what they would say. it is normal to you, but to me, you told me you wouldnt find him to chat and everything. i did my part. din even ask anything. call me to check your phone? what is the need of checking? cause later you would say i check on you and everything. this have been in my mind. he has been chasing after you and telling you stories of his past gf. who is he to go after and anything else. there wouldnt be a guy telling another girl chasing after another girl stories. i dun know la. later i got the words of assuming and everything saying i dun trust you and everything. i trust you. that you wont find him back to chat on. but you have even another chat box called the talk box. saying you have the right to download another app and why cant you find him chat. why is there a reason not to chat with him. i know him? i barely knew him. not like u did. if i am not jealous, then i am not a guy for this matter. even a normal guy seeing his love one chatting vf another guy would be jealous. why? its because this normal guy dun even know that his love one is doing. why is she doing so. if there is so many things to be said, at least share on the things that he have said. at least i know. so many secrets cannot be revealed? all also secrets? privacy? even i have all the privacy on others, all the secrets, i would have told you. i tell you everything. but what was the outcome? i am being the idiot telling you all lo. right? There is no outcome on you. its just you have explained on things which are on the brief. just so simple and nothing else. i am thinking too much? no.. its because you din even try to explain and take things so simple in life. if there isnt a reason to do, what is it for? dancing is so simple to you, why bother taking all the trouble for the exams and everything? so it means sumthing to you. it isnt simple always. if there is so easy, just a picture, msging you and everything, dont it have a reason? just to tell you? ya.. even your phone has msgs, which i am not to interfere. i din even get to know. hiding your way there with the msg when i was around. what is it to be kept there? try me la. msging in front of me. telling me what is it. controlling again and all that control.

there is nothing to control if you r willing to do it. there is nothing to be controlled of. even your smile, you have no outcome. just tell me its just let it be. smiled. what is to let it be? OMG.. it goes on and on. why? its because you are letting me think that you are doing it over and over it. what is me that is over and over? the matter is always coming from you. say what u wan on my blaming again. come on. think of it. everytime there is a matter, is always come from your actions. is it mine at first? like if the shoe there is nothing to be smiled of, why smile? no outcome. like if the msgs we shown at the first place, will there be jealousy after i asked? you dint show. no outcome. no point and need to show right? i am no one to you right? nothing at all. you always tell me, what i wan from people, firstly i must do. i did. i did my part, where is the part? did i ask for more? to you it might be. to me, nothing is on my side. i am not asking 100% back from you. at least 10-20%. but i dun really see it. i dun say, kept on cont and cont until it hurts me when i have to find out like this. i say, then say i hurt you badly and everything.

and now, sitting here alone. neva tired or fainted of what i would say. neva thinking of doing so. i would neva ever be tired explaining of what i did. i am not giving reasons, excuses or anything else. i just wan you to know i am not the kind of person. but what i get is i am always a blamer, accuser, thinking of nonsense and giving all stress and unhappiness to you. I am not. i am just like you. i wan to know. you want to know, i let you know. i wan to know, many obstacles and blaming dealt to me. when you wan from people, do what they actually wan. and i can dun do? i can dun tell? anything la. i told you since we were together. no need for me to repeat all over again.

Actually the whole thing keeps on going round and round neva stop cause you have been evading all the problems. letting it to be. if blaming, not trusting, suspecting, accusing and cont assuming is what you dun like of me, then your letting it to be, evading problems, and leaving mysteries to solve on their own.. is what i dun like of you. and say i cont doing, which you are also actually doing as well and neva stopping.. cont la. i have nothing else to say. if you wan to reply, you know the password and everything. if you dun wan, then its ok. no forcing done. no one is to read my blog except you.