what a day~~

there are many people telling me congrats on my relationship status in the fb of mine...
so... i got to thank them for telling me congratz... hmmmm...

but the thing is today my boring day... alone too...
bz replying all the comments... thanks for everything and everyone... hmm..
alone in the morning till the night... everyone seems to be bz at this time and today...
i tot today was a day of public holiday... but to them.. they are not... it seems like i'm kinda useless... coz nothing to do? or what? hmm....

now, i'm kinda free to write in here without any pictures... haiz...
but then, i've added some of my sister's pics in the FB... so go and check it out and pls leave a comment... i'll reply u asap.. when i get to on9 la...=.=""

hmmm... what a day~~

loving days~~

it good to have a loved one beside u...

supporting u...

helping u...

cares bout u...

does everything just for u...

cherishing the moments....

hopefully the lovers out there also have the same...

but now, i'm in a mamak stall... alone... and writing this...

boring...

and sleepy... omg...

haiz...

after the spamming and everything replied..

hopefully everything goes well...

HOPEFULLY I PASS ALL MY SUBJECTS ALSO!!

Happenings around me...

there are been many things that i have been thinking and thinking that what i have done... what has not done.. and what has to be done...

most of that things made me to sleep less than 4 hours a day... ever since my exams over...
is it bad? or good? i really dont know...

there are also days that i havent been sleeping... totally tired of not sleeping...
isomia? is that what is it called?

19/11/2009.. the day that my life started new again... started to become wonderful in so many miserable days... hopefully this day will start to make my life change and then bring happiness into our lifes... and hope that there will not be anything that would have disrupt or change anything from it... this is the day that would rest in my hearts and in my life...

21/11 to 22/11.. means its now... sitting here alone after the Beyond Colours event by my buddy, Jason Au... but then.. sat here.. since 9.30pm till now... thinking of what to do... cause i've been alone ever since the event ended... parents went out for marriage dinner... most of my frens.. bz bz... some guy also ffk me... after so many calls...
in the end, my buddy TK come by and accompany me... but its like 12 something.. making me tired... and kinda tired after the event... and all the time that havent been sleeping much...
after my dad's ffk me that i wasnt supposed to go to the marriage dinner... i've been sitting here doing nothing... alone and stuff... then now.. writting this blog because i've promised my beloved to write this long time ago...

since i got nothing more to write other than i'm lonely here... and i missed someone very much... (dont wanna spread the news so quickly... but u know who u are.. ^^) but i'm still ok... i wish that i would adapt to this situation... hmm....

actually, i dont wish to say this but... this is a "stu***" person that i've ever seen.... i've seen his blog... saying all foolish things... ( pls dont go and see... ) whatever he writes makes me wanna "do" something to him... haiz... what a person... stu***!! haiz... (although i dont wanna use it, but then it makes me to use it on him!! ) grr... make me kinda mad when see his things... neva ever gonna see it... hmph! haha^^

hopefully the ones that see this blog.. would neva think of the past... try to think bout the future... dont simply think things like me... gila gila... hahaha.... i think me will get crazier every sec if i dont really rest well... omg... hopefully i will rest well... and sleep well too... cause most of these days.. i dont know why i've been waking up before my alarm wakes me.... and wake up in the middle of the night... omg... what is happening to me?? hmm..:(

haiz...

it has been a while since i updated my blog...
but i also know that there will not be anyone who reads it...
so, why bother?
however, i feel that its also a way to express my feelings...
other than shouting and other stuff...
to do so, i have been writting alot...
but not in blogs... but in papers and books... making a great book of misery...

i saw someone's msn says... how many ten years u have in ur life??... in chinese la..
but then... i feel that this word means a lot.... it makes someone to appreciate yourself and others around u...
there isnt many 10 years in one human's life...
this sentence is so beautiful until when i tend to appreciate everything i had with care and love..
furthermore, without any over doing it or less touching it...
so, it did changed my life... but not in a good way...
when i did the appreciating work...
i tend to have the people to leave me...
i tend to have people saying that i'm useless...
i tend to have people looking down on me...
the more i do, it makes me more like a crazy guy...
although most of them dint tell me, but i felt that way...
the more i do, the more i sacrifice... it means nothing to them...
it means disturbance to them... i dont even know whether that i was doing the right thing or not...
if i dont do anything, it means i dont appreciate...
if i do something, it means that i am a disturbance...
if i do it properly and nicely, i'm being ignored
DILEMMA!!

hmm... anyways... i also know that no one will ever read this... ( i repeat this once more because to express my true feelings to my blog... ITS BORING!!)

what should i do? what must be done by me?? what do u expect from me???
suffering every second,
pain every minute,
lonely by every hour,
misery every day
suffocating every week,
every month passes like my heart being stabbed by knifes and left there without taking it out...
tired of thinking bout it... (although i tried not to think bout it..) but it keeps coming back... i couldnt forget what has been done between and among us...
dying every second passes.........:(

hmmm...

all these days...
these past weeks...
these one month pluss....
it has made me from a happy go lucky, to sad till moody...
cause me sleepless nights... the maximum i could sleep is also 2 hours++
continuously for months... sad and emo situation through these days...
what to do, what to think, what decision to make?
now, sitting here at station 1 cafe in OUG just after 2 hours of sleep... haiz...
need to do all the assignments and still think bout it... omg...
i thought i put it down already... forgotten it... but then.. it still comes to me... like haunting me..:(
haiz....

WHY and WHAT?

it's been a while since my last post on9...
have been bz with my studies and lately on a bad emo days....
i've been questioning myself... what and why....
so many questions in my head spinning about what and why....
why this...
why that...
what do u mean by this...
and what do u mean by that....
it's so hard to understand and yet..
the answer is still not found...
the best part is...
i thought the answer is found...
i thought the solution is in hand...
and i thought the matter was resolved...
but it wasn't...
it was so hard to accept the fact...
so hard to accept the reality....
i wish i could express all the words and feelings out....
but i dont wish that rumors and bad comments to wonder around...
because i dont wish to have people saying bout me that i'm gossiping...

all the things that i've done couldn't be compared...
all the things that i've wished for dint came out...
but all the things that i've not wished for... it came all out!!
omg... i'm really really really in the depression mood right now... couldn't help myself...
i wish i did... but it cant...
all the things that i really hope for is just a little kind of sweetness back... is that really hard to give?
all the things i've done, i didnt want the whole world to be given back to me... but at least a response of good... telling me that i appreciate ur work.. and really mean it...
all i want is just a good explaination.... not the same old words...
what makes u to say that to me?? what is the thing that i've done that struck ur feelings??
i've been thinking for so long... why and what??

sometimes i really wished that the why and what questions to not exist....
that will make me not think so much...
but however the what and why seems to make me curious...
making me hard to breath day by day...
the second i think bout the matter...
that second will made me hard to breath....
its like my heart pumping less blood every second...
pain and suffering...
creating lots of misery and suffering...

why is there people saying that "its not fair"?
what makes the people say so...?
i know the world is unfair....
but what makes people to say so?
although i'm not the one being unfair to people and not people being unfair to me...
but its just seeing some people being unfairly treated.. but still wanna go for it...
this is not acheiving something good... this is called torture....
its not something that u want... and u know it...
but why?? the feeling?? the emotion?? the past?? the future?? or the present??
and what?? the looks?? the characteristics?? the things u've given to him?? or the things that u've received??

when people knows that its not something to die for... or something worth for doing so...
they tend to back off.. and try something else....
which they think that will be better than the road or thing that they are dying for...
although they will not know about the risks... and the returns....
but then... its better than dying for something that the person knows its not worth....

and what if the thing is worth more than ur previous choice??
what if the thing is better than ur previous choice??
and what if the person knows that the thing is better...
will u go and take the risk?

why take riskes that have no returns?? its 0% and u know it...
its 100% completely going to have zero returns...
it also means that what u give as 100%... will come back as 0% return...
and the another risk is that u think that is less than 100% risks... but gain at least more than 15% returns...
why dont u take that thing/road? why suffer in the old thing or the road that u choose??
u've studied much... u've done many researches... the best part is... u already experienced it too...
why still go into the broken and wrong road? why choose the wrong thing??
and u still want to lie to urself that u are in the correct route? that u choose the best thing for urself??

to everyone looking at my blog.. try to think this way and comment in my post...
try to think as a logical person here... i'm depressing and emo... so kinda bad mood... so better pls pls pls... dont joke or fool around with my blog... (i'm so sry if i hurt or affected anyone's feelings)

the example...
if u know that the vase is colourless, cracked and old...
will u go and take the risk to buy that vase?? or will u tend to change it or not??
and if u saw that there is another vase that will fulfill ur desires and fulfills its jobscope as a vase...
will u go and take a look at the vase and eventually try it??
u compared it... u see the price is the same...
will u buy the broken vase or the vase that will fulfill ur desires??
or will u keep the broken vase and tend to have the feelings for it.. because it just happen to followed u for the past few months??
what if the vase... that cracks... have open ledges that could cut u when u hold it?? what if the edges of the vase could hurt u?? will u still keep the vase just because of the feelings??
i really wish that people out there that sees this... will give me a logical and rational answer...
i really need that help now...

all of u might be thinking the same thing... but i could tell u... this blog mean no harm to anyone or anything... its just a way for me to express my feelings... TQ

hmm... boring days... boring days boring nights in my boring blog...

these days after my exams...

nothing to do...

tuesday finished exam de...

should be very happy...

like jumping up and down...

shouting yippie!!! yay!!!

planning my holidays...

how am i going to spent them...

but then...

haiz...

these few days at home... then shisa... then takei... basketball... and nothing else...

felt like routine... omg... felt much like no life... haiz...

wanna go somewhere far... have a few days with my frens... and buddies.... planning to go to langkawi like others... but till now what also havent go and find information about the trip... haiz...

sounds like so cham... but its true... like dont know what to do... what to play.... felt like no life...

anyone out there... about my stressing.... and that reads my blog... could anyone give me some ideas? i think of lonely-ness and boring? hahaha... so try to amuse me with ur ideas... please!!