why me? why not the other way around? hmm?=(

i'm sorry of saying this again...

be... i'm not moody because of today my work... and suddenly wanna cari pasal with u...
i'm also not in the mood of doing so too...
i started to feel like u too...
why? like u said, why did i msg u although u dance or teach... or even have exam that time?
why didnt i msg u to tell u that i started working or doing what so ever...?

i'm sorry for not doing that frequent...
but i did tell u...
where am i going...
who am i with...
what was i doing...
what am i to do later...
and many others...

i'm working also can do so...
be... no offence.. i'm not angry or moody just wanna cari pasal with u... or wanna suddenly say this out...
u think la...
u expect me to do so, telling u everything, but why dint u do so?
only i do? u dun need? or is it only for me to report to u?
and u only know what i do all day? i dun need to know what u doing?

for my part... a small doing, i dint tell u... u adi angry me...
i dint told u i fb... u angry me...
i dint told u i on9 or kenggai with frens... u dun like adi...

what bout me? should i be that way too? i dun... why? i respect u and i trust on what u do... its not that i wanna complain ups and downs...
why dun i get the same thing?
why dun u tell me?
i've been noticing lately....

i ask u questions... u dun answer me...
u dun reply properly...
u dun tell me...
only when i ask...
u tell me a little... and nothing much... is it nothing much??

for example, like today... just now.. be4 ur dance...
i know u dint sleep... i tot u might sleep... its ok for that...
but u dint sleep... u dint tell me what u doing...
u dint tell me wat things... i dun mind the phone rings... my dealers also wont care...
its ok also... then i asked u.. what did u do... u only told me...
kept table lo..on9 just now...
still ok.... i asked u in 3 smses... what did u do on9? fb? msn? or both??
as if i will know? is it?

i know u spent ur time of dance to sms me... but could u say... i've started? like always? what happened lately??

all these above has happened to me b4...
all these above also u angry me b4...
but where's ur part?
did i angry u when u do so?
did i kept saying the words to hurt u?
u might not feel so... but i'm hurt... u neva felt i was hurt rite? hmmm...

i really dun feel like saying more... when i did sumthing wrong... or sumthing bad...
its not i wan.. its not i purposely do so... tell me if u dun like it...
just i dun like what u did just now... what is it... why... then enuf d... but what u said? its was like so hurt....
"u like to do what, u do la... i cant force u also..."
" u feel like doing what, go ahead"
" u like how then how la, i also cant care d ma... rite?"
the worst of all...
" we also nothing d ma... u dont do, i also cannot do anything de ma.. rite?"
and...
" u like la..."

all these words used on me...
i know u felt pain...
i know u had the misery...
i know u encounter all the cuts and stabs on ur heart...
but...
do u really know the other way now?
do u really know what am i feeling too?
is it a payback to me for ditching u at the 1st place?
is this a payback? if it is... ok then... i'll have nothing to say... i'll accept it...


lastly... i have been thinking lately... i may have made the decision of leaving u at the 1st place... i know its my mistake... i'm sorry...
although as well, i want u bek... really want u bek....
but u kept saying that me like playing sand...
me like dun know reliable or not...
what if i leave u again?
as long as we r happy....
we would have the happiest moment of our lives....
why should we bother of the past or the future?
would u know the future?
or could u control the past?
what we could do is the present...

i just wish that we have like those days of the past....
i'm looking at the past because i want things like the same...
or if can, be as similar as possible...
i really want u bek...
i want u bek... because i love u...
i need u... and i know u still like me...
why dun we try to c, how long we could last? rather than like this pulling and dragging...
u think that we are frens... u tot we are frens like this?
no lo...
even though i dun kiss u...
i dun hug u...
i dun even go out with u.....

u think that we are not together still?
no lo...
why? we sms....
we call...
yes... we communicate... we talked everyday on everything...
we mention anything also can...

but u c... if we are frens... we shud have adi not do like this...
if i talk to any girls... u adi dun have the mood to talk to me...
why?
u still care of me...
u still is inlove with me...

i know u might say... go ahead la...
we r frens ma...
do as u like... do as u pleased... do as u wish...
i dun care and i cant stop u adi....

no be... no no no.... why do i do so? is it i treat this like a test?
r u testing me too??
hmm... why do i really do so?
its because i've been telling u...
i treat u special...
i want u be my precious...
i want u be my girlfriend once again...
i'm not playing a fool...
i just want the old days...
how we used to be...
how we make people jealous of our relationship....

now... its up to u...
up to u to make the decision...
if u think, we are good like this... then stay like this la....
i got no comment...
but i wish we could be together again...

i wan u... i adi said "yes", now i hope for ur answer....
i know i will be not as sincere as standing in front of u... telling it in front of u.... i just cant find the suitable time... in front of u... i wont say these things... i dun want u cry adi....
but i'm here... i wish to know the answer....
do u want me as ur boyfriend or not?
do u really still love me?

i really love u with my heart...
do u? i just want you telling me, frankly....
dun say its not time...
or other things...
i just want a yes... or no.... not both together...
if yes, i'll know what to do...
if no, i'll also know what to do....
i want your decision... ok?


(i'm no angry or anything la... just curious k? not moody only bring this out k? i'm just curious and want to know the answer... )

explaination? its more like repeatation... :(

what is it u want??

this time i dint let u know... because i know u would be like this...
this time i dint let u know... because i dun wan u to be curious on what we say... i dun wan to explain what we said be4, i dun wan is because i still think that u dun trust me....
this time i dint let u know... i'm sorry... i know its my fault... but am i cheating? or did i show that i cheated or did i wish to cheat?? no ma, rite? if u wanna think its yes... i nth 2 say lo... am i that a player??

u said, this makes u dun trust me...
u said, this is why u dun trust me...

does it relate? no... all i think u just wan to say is because i din tell u that she smsed me... u still wanna like tell me back, how to trust u ma? u still saying that the "trust" thingy... why? its because u said u forgot the past... and its NO.. u say u dint wanna care d... then why say like i cheat outside??

u adi see the contents...what we wrote to each other... what we say... am i to say i have feelings for her? why i layan her? its because she is my cousin and i'm going to her place... like for just now... she smsed me... i dint layan... but now... do u believe? no... u wont... why? its because after the first day we started to break up on ur b'day... u neva trusted what i ever told u... u neva trusted what i ever said... how am i to tell u... and believe it or not... she really asked me... how am i today... bz a? or bz kau lui??

why is she to say that?? why is she to ask me that?? why is she so close to me?? why is she everytime to find me but not others...?? she caring?? no way!! i dun give a thing whether she likes me or not... i dun give a damn that whether she have feelings for me or not... i dun even care!! why?? its because u are the one i love... its because u are the one i care... i wan u know that u're special... i wan to know u are important and nothing can replace u... but did u care? did u notice? i think not...

thanks for coming? thanks for acc-ing u?? do u think i do all those things is to enjoy ur word "thanks"? i dun wish u thank me... no be.... its not... its because i love u... u know i do... i wish that u know i'm doing this because i love u...
i dun even know why am i crying because of this... its so pain... one small matter like that... u could adi like this... what is this to u?? a payback to me? i also dun even know why am i writing this for... u also dun know will see this or not...

i'm sad is not because u dun trust me... its because after one year... u compared me with that idiot... or known to be an asshole... u wan to compare me and him... are we the same?? he is an asshole.. going after his own cousin... i know u experienced be4... i know its pain to u too... u also have this conversation long time ago... we had this... cousins to me is still cousins... i wont fall for them... i wont even think of doing so... why? they are cousins... my family... not my lover... not my special one...

even if there is a girl... after me... or many girls... after me... i told u before... i told u many times too... i wont go after them... why???
i told u many times...
i wont simply start another relationship while i'm having one...
i wont simply like another girl because its not fair to my current one...
i wont simply miss any girls or have any intention on another girl...
even if the girl or girls are after me... onto me... kiss me or anything...
i wont simply go into the relationship with her...
i wont simply go and kiss her back...
i wont simply do anything except is to stop her and push her away...

why i wont simply?? its not fair to the person i'm currently in love with...
its also because u are the person i'm inlove with...
i wont simply say i love you to people, why? because i mean it.... i mean every single lovely words that i say to the person... i dint do that to anyone... i dint say that to another girl when i'm with u...

why is it u dun trust me?? am i to leave u?? am i to find another one and ditch u again?? did i find another one to ditch u before?? its all u think de... its all what u thought to be... its not me... its not what i did.... its neva me on these cases...

from samantha, to yuki, to bell, to my cousin, and to so on la... any one la, did i not talk bout this with u?? did i not say these problem to u...?? did i not write many smses to explain the situation to u?? did i not say anything about them?? any girls la... dun care who la... dun care any girl la... did i not??? all is a past d... but did i really found another one?? or did i plan to? and... if u dun believe in me... did i get another one d? or i cant get? thats why i came bek to u??
no!! if u think like that, u are definitely wrong wrong wrong!! its because i neva change my love for u...

be, i know if i say u shud be thankful that i'm explaining all to u... no guys would do it.... then u'll say, find another one that dun need to explain lo... dun say u dint say this be4... u did...
if i were to say, i neva explain so much things to a girl be4, i'm tired of explaining... then u'll tell me, go ahead and find another girl lo... why explain to u?
if u think like this... i nth 2 say... cause i'm not a player.. simply change gf...

be... there are so many words i wish to tell u... but all u give bek me is negative thoughts de... because of me? what did i do? interested in all girls but u?? talk and sms with another girl and having sweet talks with them except u? although u are with ur ballet, piano, assg, ballet assg, family then only free to bother me... i also dint stop telling u what my situation is... i dint find another one to ditch u... its not i dint do all u ask for... i tried... and i'm still trying... why am i trying??
why am i to make it so hard? because u tell me to... i respect ur words.. i rmb if i can... i make myself do so... why? its because i love you... i need u...

who is the guy to kept smsing u although u kept on teaching and dancing?? who is the guy who explains everything to u?? who is the guy no matter which girl comes and talk... no matter which girl smses him... dun care, and still only sms u the most??
who is the guy?? i dun know.. u tell me... u must be saying... if i think u r the troublesome and annoying kind of girl... stay where we are... as frens lo... dun find me lo... find another caring kind of girl lo...

NO! i dun mean this.... i din mean to... i dint even think of this... i dun wan to leave u... i dun wan u to leave me too... is that so hard yo understand my thoughts too?
i want u bek.. although i made the decisions be4, leave those memories behind k?? i knw its hard... i know its pain... i know its unfair for u... i'm sorry.. i know also sorry cant replaced the scattered glasses... give me the chance to mend it bek, at least to make the best out of it...?? ok??

be, i dun want to find any other girls anymore... if i do, its only when u r the one who dun want me... i really dun know what to say anymore... i wish for ur understanding... but u seem to like find my mistakes and made it to be like this...
why cant u understand why i smsed her? i told u d... the other way around... if i were u, u would kept thinking... why must i to sms her..?? why cant i dont layan her rite?? its because she dun have really frens or good family members... i treat her well last time is because i think that she is very kelian person... but ever since u dun like it... i start to slow down... i start to ignore her messages d... if u dun believe, i also nth to say...

lastly la... if ur cousin were to ask you, why dint u tell me u graduating? or convo? would u think that i've been talking to her?? or even smsing her?
if ur cousin were to ask u too, just now i smsed u... why dint reply when u meet up?
what were u to say?? no batt? no credit? or i dun like to sms u?
oh ya, and if ur cousin were to have no frens or family members that are close to them to talk with... what do u do?? sit there and do nothing??
and dun think all stupid things... its definitely NO NO NO and NO!!!
if u would to see this... u would have said, like that a... go help ur cousin lo... go and be her bf or sum shit like that... i dun mean that way... i told u many times... she isnt my type.. and i'm not into COUSINS!! =(

u wan to believe it or not, its up to u... it was neva a person's actions to determine the trust or not... its always the other person who wish to trust the person on his or her actions or not..

if a person were to cheat, finding another gf behind your bek... dun need to explain, and u trusted him... he would be also not having this problem... even though the another gf said i love you and i miss u... if the guy were to say, its nothing de la... sum people playing him... u would also think its so... why?? because u trusted him...

but if the person was not to cheat... telling things like now i'm telling u... just a slight misunderstanding or known to be my mistake... neva tell u only that she smsed me... u saw the message content also.. u know it meant nothing much... not all those kiss kiss or miss u or i love you stuff... even though how long is my explaination to u... how i say, or what i do... u dun trust, what is the point?? why? because u dun trust me... u still dun want to believe i have nothing for her... or anyone else... its because u kept thinking i will leave u again... this is because u dun trust me.. thats why i'm doing this explanation blog... am i not worth to trust anymore??=( u decide..

after all my doings... going to meet u although working... ( i know u will sure say.. next time dun need d... or u can dont come to meet me during work de... or other things that are similar... i dun care d... i dun want to think of further possibilities d) going to see you almost everyday... its not i want to payback of what i've done... its not because i want u bek thats why i'm so good to u now only.... its because i love you... i want u be my special de..

u always say, now i do good, after i get u bek, u accepted me.. all be lost de..
i said no, did u believe? no... u dint.. u summore gave me the example...
u begged me to come and meet u during the morning when i was with u...
i kept thinking... did u beg? am i that bad although u beg? am i that not understanding enough even if u beg?? huh?? i dun recalled u beg me that bad... i dun recall if u begged, and i was that stupid and dumb.. or a bad person...
u asked me to come during the morning... and i said no.. why? everyday also go out... how to come..?? now i even reduce the time to go out with the gang... why?? to c u lo... do u know in my heart, how special u r??

ooo... ya... u sure said this de... definitely... why am i special to u now only...?? why only now? last time leh? this is because u ditched me, and now wan me bek, only treat me that nice?? NO!! last time i dint treat u good.. is my fault... i dint treat u good enuf... i'm sorry... ( i know cant replace for all the wrongs.. but i'm still trying my best to do... sorry...) last time till now u say i dint respect u.. din listen to u... i'm also sorry... i knw even if i told u i cried or what during this blog, u would also dun believe... i can tell u... i'm having tears coming out while writing this blog... dun believe, its ur call... i came home.. i adi started writing this... not bath.. not eat... but just to write this to u... i dun wan simply another small misunderstanding... u can adi think of so many things... i'm not that complicated u know?? phoebe... just remember i always loved u... neva others...

one small problem leads to a misunderstanding, then leads to a big mistake...in the end, bad memories and quarrelling... i'm trying to do my part to let u see... why? because i know u care for me de... i know u still do... i believe in u that u still do.. be... i dun know for the future or the past, as i've made so many promises to u... and neva half was fulfilled... but i can still tell u... if u still have the heart for me... trust me... love me like u always did... i wont leave you de... i wont leave you like last time... i wont de... i was immature... playful... i know my bad... please give me the 3rd chance to make things right k?? if u still sked of any possibilities that might can happen... i'm here... not to argue.. not to quarrel... i wish is sit down in front of each other and tell out the matter...

i dun wan "its just not now".. this is how u said to me last time... i really wish that we could be lovers and couples again... i know u want de... i can de... believe i can.. i really can.. tell me what u dun like.. not in the car today... say that i'm tired.. wan to go class d... and everything, last time, even 5 mins, u are able to prepare... now u need extra 10 mins to go down?... then use sms to tell me things.. i dun like this way anymore d.. anything.. tell me in person.. i dun wan u to fu yan me just to leave me d... then say wanna leave.. wanna go d.. then sent me the sms... i dun like this... i dun even like to blog like this... :( i dun like this...:(
i dun wan to lose u... i dun wan to forget our memories... i dun wan u to leave me... :(

nw again is my fault?

why is always my fault?

did i do anything wrong? huh?

why is me always the fault? =(

do u know.. i have used many calm messages to sms u...
to tell u what i did... to tell u where am i...
to notify u who am i with... to let u know what i've finished...
to tell u MYSELF to U...

now i'm not angry, its just my opinion what has happened just now... i hope when u read this.. dun angry or anything bad k? calmly read this... anything i say affected u... i'm sorry... but this blog, also have sumthing about u de... i'll go straight to the point...

and before everything happens... u have slept 5 mins d, then started teaching...
i msg u hw many a? 3 msg? u just think one sorry will do?
u might think that i'm very selfish and small gas person... go ahead... i'm that small gas... why do u think i'm like that? u said i've changed... yes.. i have... because of matters that u have trained me... oh ya... i'm a pusher now rite? kept blaming u... be... think of it la... =( am i that small gas person?? i dint lo... i dint say why u dint sms me... why leh? today is sat, ur most busy day... why is there for me to angry leh? i think of ur day too...

think back la.. i just miss ur msgs by two only... or i told u i was working, then i cant sms u... then u'll be very upset la... angry la.... omg... what has happened??last time u will be very calm.. tell u that i'm bz... then u'll wait... after i fin bz... then i tired and also sms u la...same thing also ma... just put memories aside... is it i did sumthing bad be4 that? after that? i think its after that... the pics and everything rite? hmm....

just now u dint reply me the 3rd msg... did i felt angry? did i simply sms u? every 2nd message of urs if i have the time, only if i'm sleeping... i also would have got it.. and message u back... after 3rd message, one sorry and u think its ok adi? but did i say anything of it? did i mention anything to scold u bek? no lo... if u think bek.. u werent like that to me be4 lo... be.. i start to think... its not me which changed... its u... and u wan to say i'm a pusher again... so be it.. i also think that u are the one which changed... because really last time, u werent like this... i und u r tired and busy today... one sorry, i'll take it.. i know u are very tired of this too...

u can say i like to count this and count that... why? what makes me count? when i do bek... u angry vf me... i dint payback anything also... my point was so simple.. why couldnt u understand? i just call u to end ur day by ur bath, make nice nice... then have time for me... got wrong??

u werent like that... i know u will tahan and everything... but at least u tell me what were u doing... u would not reply me short message and say u was taking sumthing... sumthing? u last time would have explained it... if not, u must be bz... thats what i did bek for u... i really tot u were rushing or doing sumthing...
dont i know u are tired? dont i know u are very very tired and also sms me?? i know lo.. why? u slept for 5mins.. then u teach? and then from that very moment... u teaching ma rite? hw to rest?

but if u think properly, why did i ask u to bath? ur internal body is very hot de... cool down ma... why dun u cool down 1st? and then... i mai ask u to bath 1st lo... what did i do wrong? i call u to bath also seems i dun wan to sms u??

if i dun wan to sms u, why shud i kept replying? i can just put my phone there ma...
i was so affected after ur teaching... u say u cant go to the dinner with me...
i dun know whether u got defend for me or not... and i was sure u did... but u shud know that the robber case was not my fault also... she wanna think like this about me? then i think u shud have changed her mind ma... rite? then my impression to ur mum.. bad d lo? but nw after this blog thingy... my impression to u.. would also be no better... but for ur information, i did defend u a lot from my mum... she started to see good in u... but then... nw we like this... =(

think bout this la be... think la...
if i dun wanna sms u... why must i kept smsing u??
oh ya... rmb this... while i was writing this... u smsed me..
u say do what i requested... fin all ur work... yup i did say it...
but did u read properly?? did u every try to read what i say? u kept saying its me who change... but this time, its u....
u are always angry to me... a little bit thing, u angry... little bit more... u wanna scold... what is happening to u?? i adi say things properly lo... i adi call u do things 1st lo.. not free time only sms me lo.... if u have free time, i adi happy, cause i could call u go out anytime...

oh ya... and u say u were never doing 1 thing at a time... u say u must "multitask" everytime... i say be4 i'll understand... but nw is u dun understand from me lo....
i dint reject u... i dint say "I DUN WANT TO MESSAGE MYSELF TO U LO"

thats what u said... not me... i wasnt the one who rejected to sms u...it was u... its not i dun wan to sms... its not i kept calling u to do things... bathing hw u sms me?? hmm? call u bath and kau tim 1st also got wrong? i really dun wan the "wait a" then sorry... i bathing...
all of this, to u might be i'm pushing blames to u... but i can tell u, its not... its just my opinion...

i'm not angry of what u did... but i hope... when i call u to do sumthing u dun like or dun wan, ask me why did i do so... why are u pushing me... ,tell me what's ur reason also... calmly tell me.... ok?? i also wanna know ur reasons too... this way, i'll also do it to u as well... i will also ask u de...

like just now lo... if i call u to bath and kau tim urself... so that u could sms me ma.... but if u tired... but u still wan to sms me... ask me why lo... why call u to bath ma.... same thing goes for me... if u call me to do my work 1st, but i'm kinda free wor... i'll ask u why rite?? =)

all i think now is our communication is very bad... everything and everytime also quarrel... but, in person, i dun see what we quarrel lo... do u quarrel or angry with me when u c me? except for the kisses and hugs la... other than that, are u angry on me?? but for me.. i'm not.. i dun quarrel with u in the car or breaky ma.. right? why are we quarrelling then? nvm for all this la... this is what i need to change.. and u need to see also.... we are actually not having any problems... if we had, we would be quarreling in front of each other when we meet up lo... or is it u are just having patience in me? tell me... if u really dun wan... then i reduce the level until no more...

from now on... this is i say de... we dun quarrel k? i'll try to reduce the misunderstandings k?? i wanna try for us to stop quarrel... i hope u read this, dun get angry... save this relationship with me also k? i'll do my part... i know u have done urs... but let me do my part... hmmm...

PUSHER?~?

firstly i wanna say... i dint push...

secondly, i'm not a pusher...

thirdly, i'm not the one who has changed..

there is no one who changed, changes, or have been changing...
no one... its because now the environment for us both have changed...
its not me... its not also u...
there is no one...
why i say like this... its because there is an misunderstanding between us...
i dint say u wrong or i dint mean anything u are wrong...
see be...

the case of the pictures.... its me who took the pictures... i was bad,its my fault... and i tot v adi mention on this case d? hmm... but u were jealous... i just finally understand why u will jealous after last two days of argument... i dint know that the picture case means so bad to u... i understand hw u feel only after the argument... but u must tell me... we calmly sit down... then tell me... not angrily send me the message and scold me... then when the picture taking happens the 2nd time between me and pit yee... u know its my college mate... what could she do to me?? all sorts? hmm... and she posted on9... its with her blackberry... its long time really dint see each other since she was bek from ipoh and australia... so mai meet with her lo... the reason we took pics is because i have her old pics in my phone for so long... i just shown her the pics me and her only... then she say we take again to see any differences mou... then mai see lo... she say much have changed... then she posted... (i'm not making up stories... i just dun know hw to explain in the sms... its adi so long)

haiz... ai yo... u also told me... if i know its ur college mate.. i sure wont care de.... i wont be jealous that much because i know its from our college de... she is lo... my college fren... from so long... be4 i know u.... and if sumthing were to happen between me and her... omg... i wouldnt have u lo... but i dint ma... rite?? what could she do? fall in love with me? she wont de la... she wouldnt love my this kind... i know... why i know? because i know her type of boys d la... other girls i not so sure... thats why i dun have other pics... except like what u hated... (belle's pic and "baby" lo..) i really dint know anything lo...

for this "baby" thingy... i dint know at all.. if u could recall, i couldnt have the internet line like today that i've just repaid... hope to chat with u all night....
i cant see any "baby" word also lo... be, trust me la... i really dint know for this case... what u want me to do? scold her for putting "baby"?

be.. what was i trying to say was, u adi deleted my pics from ur fb d... we stated as singles d... if sum1 wrote this to me... (although i dint know.. but if i know also...) we r considered as singles ma... sum1 write to me or u... also they dint know.. u cant blame them also.. they see us as singles... i dint delete a single pic because i din wish too... but i dint know... what u mean as no turning bek... is u to forget everything about me... (we dint communicate 4that period of time... if u do like this... i'll sure think of this... same for u... if i told u no turning bek... and i deleted all ur pics... from top to toe... what will u assume? )

and also... this is not to say who's fault... in people's eyes... we are singles d... thats why i called us to be bek together... its because when we are at the eyes of people that we are singles... we would have these matters... over and over and over... then kept argue and argue... its not we changed... or i changed... or u changed... its our status has changed... thats why we are arguing like this...

and now, if i kept i saying i dint know.. u sure say.. i always i dint know la... i this la.. i that la... end up... quarreling like this again... but its true... many things we dint know is because we are not side to side... kept arguing like this has no meaning... i know my temper has to control... but this time... i'm calmly explaining what has happened...

the case of ur b'day... i know tat day was ur b'day... i know its my fault not to sms u.. neva wish u... neva wish u on the 7th too... the biggest fault is me k? i dint meant to have a credit failure and phone no battery as well... i dint mean to have this problem to happen also... i know its my fault... i know its my bad... i know its past... i know it wont happen a 22nd year old for u again... but i'm trying my best to make sure i dun forget it again... i wont forget to bring charger to charge if no battery.... i wont forget again to reload everytime near ur b'day k?? this one i'm sorry and i can promise u is because i wouldnt make ur b'day that bad ever again... and i tot there was a celebration between us for ur b'day? we could make a belated de ma... this sunday perhaps??

forgive me la be... misunderstanding happens... although we not side to side... we also can make this happen de... i'm sorry k? i'm no pusher... i dint push any fault to u.... its as if i'm saying all u bad... no be... not ur fault... i'm bad.... i'm wrong... but u also must understand, not i'm saying u are wrong again k? listen properly... read this properly... i dint push.. i dint blame u.... i'm just saying that ur temper also need to control... ur sms also need to use different words to show ur tone k? cause ur tone and ur words... gives me an impression that i'm always that forgetful... gave me the impression i'm always not having the heart to rmb ur time table... i'm sorry... i know i dint remember... but u say... "u dint rmb also, told u so many times" =.= that makes me like as if my heart is sumwhere else... at sum1 else... no be... its always and has been with u... neva change...

hmm... i dun know what that means also lo... its i'm blur? just now like u smsed me... say i blur? then i started the so called "pushing"? be.. calmly read this again... its not my fault i angry also... me dint rmb... i know its my fault for my temper... but ur smses has no tone de... if u read like this... i tot u like angrily scolding lo... summore show me faces... ok.... i know when i write like this... u also will say... i'm a pusher blaming u... then say next time u wont write the way i dun like.... u wont write this way that i dun like... u change just for this misunderstanding.... NO NO... i dun mean like this... i dun mean next time all also must be smiley faces for me... no... i just mean that if can... be urself... if can also... just say only... if i forget.. just say i forget... i forgetful... enuf lo... told u many times?? u know i forgetful... if say like this... so it makes as if i no heart de lo... i'm just asking for u to say things very calmly manner... same goes for me... no more arguing from now on k? dun listen to the phone and straight away kept blaming urself...

be... one more thing... i dun like u kept blaming urself k? i dun like u kept saying its ur fault... then in the end.. it sounds like i kept blaming... being a pusher to u.... please be... when its my fault... i calmly understand where is my fault... (i'll try to control my temper.. and really calm to understand..) but same for u... when its ur fault... then must listen to me k? anything u dun like... tell me straight away... like i dun like u and that girl together chit chat... give me time... i'll follow... rmb yuki and samantha? i did also... u say u dun like.. i din chat with them d ma... its because i treat them frens.. and i need time to so called "un-friend" them... hmm..

i'm sorry... i need to control my temper... i also need to control my sayings to u too... i just wish u everyday can sms me what u do, doing, and done... and i'll do the same... be, i rmb v have explained why i so forgetful... i rmb i told u... my head could only store 30%, if more... others i write down... i hope i could have a timetable like ur sis to tiong... i adi created my timetable for u.... to rmb all ur timings, i really need one... if i forget... and so if i dun rmb... u scold me la... ok?? then its my bad d... its not i no heart and say like u bad, u dint get me a timetable.. i shud have be more caring... get to know all ur timings.. but i really couldnt store it... when i store it... i cant rmb what i'm doing... i need to use my brain for my work and memory to rmb my work... i'm sorry.. i promise u that i will always have the timetable with me and rmb the timing to sms u... ok?

be... this time.. my fault is i dun rmb... my fault is also i sms u late... after lunch dint sms u... but misunderstandings is not caused by one person only....
u also have a little responsibility and fault to consider....
its ur tone to say people...not saying until people like no heart... its u awake, really dint sms me also lo... i rmb u always awake, dun care i doin wat.. u will sms me... @.@ i'm awake... hmm.. but today, u dint lo... then i dint know u can wake up for teaching.. because i dint know u woke up... then our anger came out again...

from small misunderstandings, to wrong timing... to bad temper of me... i'm sorry again... i know my faults... but i hope that in ur mind, next time... i'm no pusher and i hope u know there is sum of ur faults too... be... rmb... i dun push blames to people and say i'm right... i dun push all kinds of blames to u and just say u r wrong... and i'm right...

be, i dun wish to make an impression to u that i'm a pusher... its because we are singles.. and i made the decision last time... and now i wish i could make the decision so that we could be back together... u want us to stay as frens... rite? i know the decision couldnt change... i know the decision once made, couldnt be altered... doesnt it sound like a rule to u? rules cant change or altered once done?
be... all i'm asking is the 3rd chance... 1st is because of my dad's case.. i dint wan it to happen also... no money is always an issue... because i need the money just to see u... (its not i mean that everytime i c u.. must use money k?, its sumthing like this..)if i no money.. hw to drive and meet u? meet u dun need money... but my car does... no car.. i also cant c u... rmb that situation? why must i so called "ditched" u? or known to break up? if i dun see u... dun chat with u... it'll end up like this... kept arguing... that moment.. i din want us to be like this...
2nd... is because that u think i got affairs and many misunderstandings on ur b'day too.. there isnt a point for me to say d... u think i got affairs.. means u dun trust me... (be... i know u trust me.. its not i want to bring this issue again... but just assume the other way around... i ask why is there so many brothers of urs? and then many gorgor stuff and talkings... i dun like hw they sounded too..... it sounds like u having affairs also lo... rite? no ma... its because i trust u... thats why i dun bring this matter to u...) thats why i kept saying u dun trust me... i know taking pics with girls.. is my fault.. but "baby", "miss me a?" and others is not i flirt or anything to get that kind of message in fb... but think once more... its us not being into the relationship, we are singles, and u deleted all pics of me and u... there isnt any connection between us... so people write like that, there is no wrong... next, its u dun trust me... u could have asked why she call u baby or missed me? not start shooting me by "omg... hw i can take this... hw i can tahan this thingy..? baby???" no be... listen and read carefully... i dint know anything lo.. i know u will be pissed and angry... but for myside... i really dun know a single thingy of that message that is sent to my fb profile also... this is why i kept saying u dun trust me... and kept giving u the impression i'm a pusher lo... kept blaming u... hmmm... i know its my fault to take pics vf her... but it was way be4 the baby was said... i was going to ask u... hw is her looks.. then delete d... from the working pics... u could c that i have no credit at 1st.. then left a bit of battery... then take pics.. one place after another... take one pic.. then work.. then waiting... then take.. then work.. i know its my fault.. i shud have find a phone to contact u but not taking pics.. my fault... i know i started this bad impression to u... dint do as a bf shud do... but what i think is u shudnt kept shooting... people also dun know... hmm.. neva mind la... (my sayings for this incident is long adi... dun wanna kept it so long.. its past d... and its long because this is the case of us for the 2nd time...)

my meaning of there is no wrong or right is because v both also got wrong... i'm wrong... and u are wrong too... usually its like this, both wrong only misunderstandings happens...

again... lastly... i'm no pusher and i'm sorry.... hope u understand what am i going through... and i'll try to change k? write in here if u want to reply on what was ur situation... i'll understand and try to adapt.. (but mostly i adi know d... because u have said to me and i've stated on top...)and i really really hope... u could be my gf once more.. i dun want all kinds of u like and i like d... i also dun like to type that d... i'm sorry i started typing it first k? (dun care who type 1st, but its my fault too k? to fire bek like that... hmmm, sorry..) i just really wish the days of us being together happens again... i really really hope u could be my gf once more...hmmm... i dun wan to wait no more... the more v wait.. the more v hate each other... why? its because of all these misunderstandings... be, be my gf once more k? leave this all behind k? we start a new one... forget the pain.. rmb the experiences.. dun commit again mai can lo? i'll try de... give me one more chance can ma?