why me? why not the other way around? hmm?=(

i'm sorry of saying this again...

be... i'm not moody because of today my work... and suddenly wanna cari pasal with u...
i'm also not in the mood of doing so too...
i started to feel like u too...
why? like u said, why did i msg u although u dance or teach... or even have exam that time?
why didnt i msg u to tell u that i started working or doing what so ever...?

i'm sorry for not doing that frequent...
but i did tell u...
where am i going...
who am i with...
what was i doing...
what am i to do later...
and many others...

i'm working also can do so...
be... no offence.. i'm not angry or moody just wanna cari pasal with u... or wanna suddenly say this out...
u think la...
u expect me to do so, telling u everything, but why dint u do so?
only i do? u dun need? or is it only for me to report to u?
and u only know what i do all day? i dun need to know what u doing?

for my part... a small doing, i dint tell u... u adi angry me...
i dint told u i fb... u angry me...
i dint told u i on9 or kenggai with frens... u dun like adi...

what bout me? should i be that way too? i dun... why? i respect u and i trust on what u do... its not that i wanna complain ups and downs...
why dun i get the same thing?
why dun u tell me?
i've been noticing lately....

i ask u questions... u dun answer me...
u dun reply properly...
u dun tell me...
only when i ask...
u tell me a little... and nothing much... is it nothing much??

for example, like today... just now.. be4 ur dance...
i know u dint sleep... i tot u might sleep... its ok for that...
but u dint sleep... u dint tell me what u doing...
u dint tell me wat things... i dun mind the phone rings... my dealers also wont care...
its ok also... then i asked u.. what did u do... u only told me...
kept table lo..on9 just now...
still ok.... i asked u in 3 smses... what did u do on9? fb? msn? or both??
as if i will know? is it?

i know u spent ur time of dance to sms me... but could u say... i've started? like always? what happened lately??

all these above has happened to me b4...
all these above also u angry me b4...
but where's ur part?
did i angry u when u do so?
did i kept saying the words to hurt u?
u might not feel so... but i'm hurt... u neva felt i was hurt rite? hmmm...

i really dun feel like saying more... when i did sumthing wrong... or sumthing bad...
its not i wan.. its not i purposely do so... tell me if u dun like it...
just i dun like what u did just now... what is it... why... then enuf d... but what u said? its was like so hurt....
"u like to do what, u do la... i cant force u also..."
" u feel like doing what, go ahead"
" u like how then how la, i also cant care d ma... rite?"
the worst of all...
" we also nothing d ma... u dont do, i also cannot do anything de ma.. rite?"
and...
" u like la..."

all these words used on me...
i know u felt pain...
i know u had the misery...
i know u encounter all the cuts and stabs on ur heart...
but...
do u really know the other way now?
do u really know what am i feeling too?
is it a payback to me for ditching u at the 1st place?
is this a payback? if it is... ok then... i'll have nothing to say... i'll accept it...


lastly... i have been thinking lately... i may have made the decision of leaving u at the 1st place... i know its my mistake... i'm sorry...
although as well, i want u bek... really want u bek....
but u kept saying that me like playing sand...
me like dun know reliable or not...
what if i leave u again?
as long as we r happy....
we would have the happiest moment of our lives....
why should we bother of the past or the future?
would u know the future?
or could u control the past?
what we could do is the present...

i just wish that we have like those days of the past....
i'm looking at the past because i want things like the same...
or if can, be as similar as possible...
i really want u bek...
i want u bek... because i love u...
i need u... and i know u still like me...
why dun we try to c, how long we could last? rather than like this pulling and dragging...
u think that we are frens... u tot we are frens like this?
no lo...
even though i dun kiss u...
i dun hug u...
i dun even go out with u.....

u think that we are not together still?
no lo...
why? we sms....
we call...
yes... we communicate... we talked everyday on everything...
we mention anything also can...

but u c... if we are frens... we shud have adi not do like this...
if i talk to any girls... u adi dun have the mood to talk to me...
why?
u still care of me...
u still is inlove with me...

i know u might say... go ahead la...
we r frens ma...
do as u like... do as u pleased... do as u wish...
i dun care and i cant stop u adi....

no be... no no no.... why do i do so? is it i treat this like a test?
r u testing me too??
hmm... why do i really do so?
its because i've been telling u...
i treat u special...
i want u be my precious...
i want u be my girlfriend once again...
i'm not playing a fool...
i just want the old days...
how we used to be...
how we make people jealous of our relationship....

now... its up to u...
up to u to make the decision...
if u think, we are good like this... then stay like this la....
i got no comment...
but i wish we could be together again...

i wan u... i adi said "yes", now i hope for ur answer....
i know i will be not as sincere as standing in front of u... telling it in front of u.... i just cant find the suitable time... in front of u... i wont say these things... i dun want u cry adi....
but i'm here... i wish to know the answer....
do u want me as ur boyfriend or not?
do u really still love me?

i really love u with my heart...
do u? i just want you telling me, frankly....
dun say its not time...
or other things...
i just want a yes... or no.... not both together...
if yes, i'll know what to do...
if no, i'll also know what to do....
i want your decision... ok?


(i'm no angry or anything la... just curious k? not moody only bring this out k? i'm just curious and want to know the answer... )