9months aniversary, Dragon-I day!

This was supposed to be a blog post where i must write long time ago...

Due to the callings and notifications of my dear...
I’ve decided to write this during my working hours...
Hopefully it would not take me a very long time to write this post...

9months Anniversary at Pavilion
Started the journey to her house at 7.00pm, but in the end, went there late due to the house work and many annoying and troublesome matters...
Then arrived at 8.30pm... supposed to go to Full House at Jalan Yap Kwan Seng, Ampang and celebrate our 9month anniversary there...
When she came out of the house... woohoo!! It was so nice.... so pretty... it was red dress with black short skirt... dint see her be4 like that... looks like the little cute devil there... hahahaha
But dint make any reservations or bookings... dint know what was going to happened... hahaha
However, it turned out to be the place didnt open on Mondays... hahahaha....
Dear... faith lai de... next time we go k? Hehehe...
In the end, we decided to go to bukit bintang, pavilion and eat dinner...
Decided place was Dragon-I... it was super!!
I brought my camera along that day and we took the food that we ate...
But dint know there was some nerd sitting alone with his camera and follow us by doing it... lol!!
Why wanna follow jek? Hahaha... nothing to do meh?
Ahahaha.. then we went outside for a scroll before ending up in hartamas Baskin Robins! Dear’s favourite lo..
Had our BR rum and raisin... hahahaha... lolx... dear... ur favourite? Hahaha..
Then ended the day with kisses and pictures that are uploaded in FB...
Any chance, check there out...

Now i’m in sunway pyramid alone eating Mcdonalds and writing this blog... haiz... cham cham...
Today got to work... and working here makes me sleepy... a lot of people walking pass by... but the thing is no one buy or anything else... omg...
Make me so sleepy... so sien... omg... hmm... -.-

Not an Argument but Just Understanding Between Us

Dear, u once told me to tell u anything that i dun know how to say to put into this blog rite?? this is the time...:(

Dear, i dun want to bring this back up... this whole conversation in this blog is with an anger towards someone... and a soft, low, and sad tone talking to dear... u know i wont shout to u rite?? Hmm...

This thingy have been running in my brains for a long time...
Kepts reminding me... And kept occurring to us even though we faced to ignore it...
I trust u... but did u trust me? Or give me the trust?? No... i dun feel any... that is why this came out... and u gave the feeling in me to not have trust in u...

This is because of him... him... that idiot... i’m so pissed on him right now... 
I wanna know why.... even though u know there is something going to happen that night... u still wanna go for that gathering... u know that sitting in his car would come out such happening de.. i told u so... u dint listen at all... kissing on cheek is small matter?? NO... to me its not...

U knew that he is still on to u... in fact, u still want to go to the gathering and then sit his car to go...

Furthermore, u also knew that he could do anything to u... ANYTHING is POSSIBLE at that moment...

I told u so... but no words of mine is able to turn u down...

AND u still wants to go to his car and go by then...

Dear, u are not 3 year old kid anymore... u know these things could happen... but u still
want to go for it...

I was asking myself a lot of questions... did i do wrong that could lead to u on doing this to me...? i kept repeating and thinking about it... but however, i got no answer...
Dear... u also know that if u receives his calls... and go to his car... uses as a transportation... this means something... to our relationship and him... i dun know u know this or not... but this is most likely u know something a little like this... this is what

i think of.. and i got many opinions that supports my thoughts...
To him, he will get all sorts of thinking that u are giving him hope... by sitting his car, getting his help for transportation, and all other things... will lead to his stupid mind thinking and lead to many troubles that could cause our relationship to get from bad to worsening...

And when both of u are together, alone in the car, alone in the carpark, and many places alone... he is able to do almost anything to u... u also know he is a forcer... means he will get to the point to do what it takes... i assume that u told him what i told u to... but its not working... then u have to start to do something... i felt so bad right now...

In our relationship, this could get worst... kissing u on the cheek is not a small matter... u MIGHT treat it small... but i cant... remember when i told u i would slap him if i were u...?? i really meant it... why dint u?? Why still ask questions on “what u want”?? Why dun u just take the action straight away??


This makes me lose confidence and trust among our relationship... u gave me the hope on he is not going to touch u or anything else... i adviced dear d... and it happened... i told dear d... how am i to trust u??
U told me nothing would happen... and all my advices u doesn’t seem to listen or understand...

I told u everything and many possible ways of him doing it to u... i told u adi... u dint listen and in fact, ignored my advices and just leave it as it be... when u do so... its heartbreaking... u kept saying that i dun trust u...


What if my ex finds me? And then calls me out? With the addition like urs... kept calling u nonstop, kept msn nonstop, kept sms-ing u “bebe”... although its ur name... but then should he calls u phoebe like the others? What if my ex calls me ban ban?? This way u adi started to have jealousy... not i want to find all the old things to take about... not i wanna get back the old stuff and put it out... but its seems and feels the same... this extend u adi started crying... what if she kissed me on the cheek?? Gives me a lot of things that i dun wish for but i still accepts it?? And then i go out with a bunch of frens sitting her car?? Then i kept asking her for the gathering transportation?? Ignoring her and neva want to scold her?? what would it let dear think? hmm??

If this was me, would u still go along with me? Would u still trust me even though i told u its alright... nothing would happen? Would u still have the confidence that i wont get anything from her?

all of these happenings will lead to the situation that i'm having right now... this is not a fren anymore dear... its not... he is not a enemy nor a fren... he is a person for now that u must get rid of... scold him... if not... make him heart dead... if cannot... find some way... if i do it... he will turn horrible... and when this happens, u will be having frens talking bad about u... (that is what i think when u say dun mess with him or scold him or whack the shit out of him) dear.. they wont talk bad about u... they will only talk bad of me... what is the problem with that? I’m ok with it... this is considered as a protection among my gf... they'll understand... if their loved ones are being done the same way, they would also do the same....

dear... fetching u is adi is hope for him and a bad thing for us d... its over the extend d... i’m not asking u to sacrifice for me and dun go for any gatherings forever... but when he is there among ur frens... its better for u to stay away for a period of time... or else, when we are free... then we’ll go together ma... isnt this better??

its adi very bad for him to fetch you... and indeed he kissed u on the cheek...

how could i not emo??
How could i not angry or furious on him??
How could i not be so like this now??
Its same for dear... like i listed on top... what if a girl kissed me on the cheek?? Hmm??
Even i poked some girl... no matter is whoever girl... its playing... u seems to hate me d...
U dun like i do it... u jealous of me poking others... then i’ve change on this matter... i dun know how long that i could stand this... i’ll try as long as i can... but for now... its your turn... u have started it by calling him to fetch u there d... or if u dint call, he have accepted his offer on the transportation... what is this?? This is called the hope that u are giving him... u know its not... but to him... it is... and its not only once... its most of the time... when he is back... u had dinner once... and now gathering... this hurts me... when u know he is still onto u... why cant u evade for awhile among ur frens... and letting him no chance to see u or talk with u??

What reactions he is having now?? Happy and delighted?? Cause of seeing us here talking about this matter? Dear... hopes are given like this... accepting his offers and calls... u told me it wouldn’t happen anything de... he wont dare... u will block or stop it from happening... u promised and so on... but did u...?? i know its hard for u to evade him... but did u do something?? U asked him only... verbally... what u want?? What if i got kissed by another girl and i just ask...?? what she wants?? Obviously is me rite??


I might have promised u a lot of things...its all the foods, outings and other non harmful to our relationship... and in the future, i would be able to give u... but the thing is now, u seem like want to end our relationship... u disrespected in the relationship of ours by accepting the offer of his transportation and not listening to my advice... and now end up something happened... but where is the promise that dear give me?? Where is the promise that dear said nothing happened? Where is the trust that i gave dear when i told dear that he would do something?? Did dear respected my advice? Did dear listened to me?? Did dear want to listen to me?? Is there any trust here??

How am i to trust u anymore?? What if its me?? Would u trust me??
How am i to have confidence in dear anymore?? If it was me... do u trust me?? will u??
Did you respected me?? U just told me that u were going... insisted on going... and sitting his car to go... i neva felt the respect in dear... i told dear... everywhere i go... even now... i respected u... i even stopped my outings with verene... not even with ying qi... i know u are very jealous of me going with them... i respected dear’s advice... but did dear?? I dun know... i dun know how to have the trust within dear anymore... how am i to trust dear? I told u he is not a person to give hope with...


Last time was the once... went out with him on dinner... cant u say no?? Or cant u say dun wanna go?? Cant u say that u have something to do?? And the worst of the worst... cant u say u want to go home when he brought u somewhere else? What does this lead to?? This couldn’t stop me from the jealousy... i leave this behind is because that time u told me is he come to ur mom and ask... this makes me couldn’t have anything to say...
I asked u once... why is he able to bring u out at night?? And i cant... why cant i bring dear out??

U told me he was close to ur mum and family... and then nothing else... then what could i say?? I leave this to be?? Then what is our relationship then?? Frens?? Or what else?? Hmm? I really dun know how to expect this...
Even frens can have more time with you dear... and this “FREN” isn’t a guy that is good... somemore doin all kinds of things during the dinner or gathering... does this make a jealousy out of me?? OH YEAH!!  Furthermore, the “fren” that dear thinks that he is... is your ex and u kept on going out with him and things happened... how am i to settle down?? How am i to not jealous?? What if its my ex kept calling me out?? Hmm? And i have seldom time to go out with u..?? can u settle down?? Hmm?

Hmm... all of dear’s actions and words on this matter neva seem to change... all of the things that u do and did... never seem to bother the things that are seriously happening among us... it hurting people dear... do u know that?? u expect people to change for u... and u think that u have change for others... but in fact is u dint change much... u kept making people change for u... and u kept hurting your loved ones like this... this makes it so heart pain...

Especially today... at the KPD lvl 2... although u dint mean it... but it felt so pain when i heard and felt it... u might see me getting it very normal... but in fact, i’m very sad... u shown no disrespect of me to the others... (although i sometimes shown disrespect (as in naughty) to dear... but it is between us and never out loud like dear did... ) dear shouted take him la... go take him... what does this mean?? I’m a product to u?? Am i really one to dear?? Am i really a substitute towards him?? Dear... i neva say this to anyone at anytime be4... go take her la..... what if i told some guy... go la.. take u... go take... although with a funny tone... but u also will be having the same way of feeling like what am i having rite now... what is the feeling that is so pain after all the incidents that u have caused and neva tend to listen to people with this talking... ?? what would u feel??

Now... he comes out again and kept bothering u... why cant u just tell him dun disturb me anymore?? Why cant u find a way?? Is it so hard?? It has taken quite long.. Just make him heart dead... making him heart dead is scolding him d... i assume that u told him even though u leaves me and then u wont be back with him... but is ur intention and tone harsh enough?? I dun think so... is not that i dun trust dear... but i ask back dear... after all these things has happened... what is me to have the trust in dear?? What is there within me to trust dear more?? How can i trust dear on this matter?? I bet u dint scold him dear... i remembered u said no one would want u to scold them... its because its scary and it would be mad... i told u i wouldn’t want to try... why dint u do it to him?? Why let it be throughout over relationship?? why dun u try and scold on him?? (this matter i have been asking...why din u scold him??)


When there is no trust, the relationship ends... i dun wanna to end... but how?? Dear is not trying ur best... ignoring his calls, msn and everything in front of me... is useless and not enuf... its because he is still like this... but then ur attitudes did made a mistake let me saw it... like a few days passed... we were sitting together... he asked u in MSN, r u tired... u replied... yea yea... how am i supposed to know or trust u that u lost all his contacts and u did ignored his callings?? How dear?? How??
If i told u i neva chat with my ex anymore... and neva talk at all... i kept ignoring her callings... but i smsed her in front of u... not long words... just “haha” will do... i think u will be emo-ing me for a few months... so.. teach me what can i do?? Forget these things are already too late for it as dear hasn’t showing any much to me... hurting me... and causing me to pain deeply in the heart of mine...


Dear... i really dun know what to tell u... how to tell u... i know u are considerate and everything nice... but this isn’t a way... u need and have to solve it... its haunting our relationship... how am i to calm down?? Dun emo?? how can i not??

Dear, u told me not to emo and dun be sad... u tell me... when u are in my shoes... if i tell u... u not emo or sad?? can u?

Like today at Solaris... i wasn’t emo on dear’s mum... i wasn’t emo on u as well... its like this... dear did not want to clarify anything on this matter to me... just let it be... it isnt over dear... i know u were tired... but could u tell me next time only talk bout it? at least i know dear is trying ur best to solve it and give an answer... but dear just treats the kissing as a small matter...

The kissing is like a pin in my heart now... how to take it out?? It pokes deeper when dear messaged me, if wanna come, dun emo... how dear?? How?? Did u ask what was i emo-ing?? It wasn’t ur mom... although i did blame ur mum sometimes... nagging and the rules that she set... i wasn’t against on her... its i just dun feel right... and i tell dear... i dint mean to blame ur mum or scold ur mum or backstab her or something... its just saying a topic about it... i neva keep that in my heart... after that i will forget about it... no matrer its ur mum or my mum... its just saying it... and then forgetting about it after awhile...

u were my partner, my heart, and my lover... and u’ll always are... but after all on top...
tell me how to be not emo?? No jealousy?? No anger?? No hatred?? No need to care??
Tell me?? can u withstand it?? Hmmm...
U asked me was there anything in the car?? I was so emo... my head looked up for a few moments because tears was adi coming down... i dun wanna let dear see my tears rolls down... i wanna to have dear all beside me 24/7... but these stuff... how?? How??
Dear....
I dun want to have anything happen to our relationship k??
I just want to have a peace and happy relationship with dear k??
I also hope that this matter will soon end... and i hope i dun need to keep remembering it??
I’m still emo... i’m still sad... and i’m still not used to these situations...
I dun know what will i do if this continues...:( hmm..

dear... i have repeatedly read this a lot of times be4 posting it here... at least 4-5 times...rephrasing and editting... i just wish dear wont be mad at me.. or emo me... or emo for the day k?? its just an understanding between us...

Dear.... i’m not mad at u k? I’m just want things to be clarified... but i just dun know how to tell dear... i just dun have the courage to tell dear these things... i wish i dint offended u or said something bad... hmm.. if i did, i’m sorry... 

omg.. omg... omg...

omg... i hope that the things is going smoothly and wont happen anything serious...
as it could harm the family and other people... omg...

i hope that the results have shown it negative that is true and it wouldnt change the results...
but why the results is being worst?? why is the effects getting different??
omg... dear god... i know i'm wrong... i'm bad... i know i've been playful... i know its my fault... omg...

the effects its going to hurt my family as in my parents havent settled the debt...
and other side.. omg...

my hands are shaking as in my brain dun know how to think and move properly...
my legs are cold and numb as we speak right now... omg...
dear god... i hope that the results are negative and stays negative for now.. omg...

02.07.10 one utama

the day started very early... fetch my dear from college and went back my house at 7am...

then continue sleeping together until morning 11 something...
supposed there is an alarm from my phone indicating 9.30am, but then.. off the alarm and then continue sleeping..
we were really tired for the whole week...
me for football...
but my dear... work load!! omg..

hmm.. then we went one utama... we took our tickets for the movie of triple tap..
then at first, we were to eat... but dun knw eat what... then 2 choices... Jack's Place (my house.. hahaha.. jk) or the italianies.. then we chose the italianies...

in the restaurant..
we ordered a set of appetizer and a meal...
a bruscetha (the spelling is wrong, cause i dun know how to spell it.. lol)..
and then the meal was fried red onions with a fish...
with a beautifully sourish ocean breeze.. i think.. hahaha...
overall was ok la.. not bad...
after the meal... we went to Baskin Robins... the chocolate ice cream was superb... no sugar but indeed.. very tasty... thank you dear for influencing me into baskin robins... hahaha...

the movie started at 2pm... then we went into the cinema and enjoyed the show.. and the movie has a story line from the previous movie... Double Tap..
it has leslie chung (kor kor) and some more actors la..
this time the show as little shooting.. and more talking... so it makes me more sien! hmm...

after the movie, went back to college... and ate mcdonalds... big mac... i wondering.. now i'm hungry d.. wanted to call one also.. sien..
hmm.. after the meal, we went back home...
then at night.. we wanted to have dinner...
its a reunion of my dear's frens.. at kepong...
omg.. the terrible traffic jam and house chores including my mum's dinner was the tapau which took about 30 mins.. killing times...
then rush to the place at kepong... next few doors from the Gasoline.. made me so terrible late and blur... until one of the fren's brought me to that place.. tqtq...

then arrived d... i dint ate anything.. late like mad d... omg..
ordered a chocolate ice cream...
my dear go and make me imagine the icecream into another thingy...
it looked like but its not... Poodle's fur... omg..
actually it looked like, but its not...
it nice though.. actually i think its from the same material where the 100yen used to sell.. i think there is still.. lol!
hmm.. then went back to one of the fren's house before saying goodbye to my dear...
dint went in.. just outside.. she waited for her mum to fetch her home..
i was very hungry indeed.. but in the end, dint eat... dinner was nothing except icecream.. it wasnt that i dun wanna eat.. but then the food was no no to me..
not the food isnt nice.. its just that i dun feel like eating... until this afternoon.. ate some rice... then junk food till night... then again.. ate little of the rice.. half was given to my brother.. then finished d...
went out.. watched the brillant match of Brazil and Netherlands..
the score ended of 2-1... Netherlands WON!!!
dint ate anything at all..
was under a heavy drizzle.. not rain... small droplets of rain...
under the drizzle.. with an umbrella and shisa.. imagine that.. omg..
some brazilian monkeys saw us doin it... did the same thing.. causing others cant watch the match properly...
i'm hungry.. but dun feel like eating d...
hmm.. back my home now.. writing this... wat a day... hmm..
dear..i'm sorry k? till now i still feel its my fault...
not to say its my responsibility or my task.. i know i must...
but its not my task.. i hope u know what i mean...
because its not mine.. i cant always remembering it... hmm..
i really hope u know what i mean.. no offence dear...
hmm... dear... i'm going to bed d... kiss kiss.. sweet dreams to u k?

to all people out there... Netherlands WON!! Brazil Lost!! what a WORLD CUP!
hmm.. dear... i'm really really really really sorry.......
(this one i type de.. really really sorry...)

21.06.10 Karak Highway

look at the flower...





just look at the sun set... nice rite?? hmm...

it was supposed to be a lovely day for me to rest...
but since there is a praying session that needs to be done at karak... well...
cause of dad's foot has hurt and needs to drive quite far road...
so i've got to go...
i wished that i dint go.. so i could rest at home... but then... haiz...
must go... dad's leg in pain...

then went to karak...
all along the way was raining... then drizzle...
then baaammm!!
thunderstrike... omg...
so hard to drive...
somemore its with the damn idiot accord... omg...

but well... i've reach there...
i dint regret of going there...
the karak highway is quite far...
but then...
i've tried a hainanese restaurant... my own surname de family...
cause of hainanese came from an only ancesstor...
so when there is a person that is a FOO, or hainanese...
we would be known to be brother's or sister's...
depending on the background and the different badge de...
their food... especially their cakes and their coffee and tea...
it was superb... so nice...
wish to eat again... hahahaha

then the praying spot...
the place was like genting 3 times...
i meant the slope... it was like nearly to a 80 degrees of slope... it was difficult for a normal automatic car...
luckily the car that we drove was a manual...
but it also caused the car hardly to move up...
omg...
after rev-ing up to 5,000 rotation...
we have reached... we were very lucky...
because there is a family that waited since morning 8am to that time...
the time was bout 5.30pm..
omg... so early till that time only can ask the prayers...
hmmm.. so cham...
we were lucky because it was time for our turn... and we came in just a few minutes... then it was our turn...
i took the liberty of walking here and there...
checking out sceneries and the site...
the place is like a fortress built up on the hill... omg... so high up...
then behind the place is a jungle sloping downwards...
but the front gate... facing the jungle in front... omg... plus with the sunseting...
omg... it was so nice... so beautiful....
and the pics are just as on top...
so beautiful.... rite??

hmmm....

dear... i tot of writing the honey star thingy here...
but the more i think of ur status now, i tend to be more sad...
there are many happenings dear...
nothing that we could do at all...
if i'm a specialist in that field, i might can help...
all i could do now is to support dear whereever dear needs me...
i wish to be in front of u and hug u till tight tight...
i also wish that i could ease ur sufferings and make it together's sufferings...
i wish the best is the problems would be lighter rather than so heavy...
hopefully everything we'll pass through together peacefully..

life is like a game...
when u want it, u dun have it...
and when u have it, u dont appreciate it...
but when u dun have it...
its time for u to appreciate it...

one of the movie has brainwashed my mind to kept this sentence in mind...

"how many 10 years do u have??"
it means a lot...
try to think...
when ur loved ones are still here, please everyone...
appreciate them before u cant and regret for ur life!!

dear... hopefully everything is ok...
u know how badly i want to be there...
u also know that how badly i wanna hug u right nw...
hopefully u could understand my feelings too...
i wanna understand ur feelings as well...
i wanna know how r u now...
although its very bad mood and emo...
but i'll bear with it...
dear... i wish to know how is the situation now...

BUT...
all the wishing is just wish...
it cant be reality....
the hopes is praying...
but the wishings will neva be true...
for instance...
goin to ur house now and hug u like mad...
coming to ur house in front of ur mum and dad with ur family and hug u...
i'm now as sad as dear...
dear maybe experiencing on ur life how worst it could be...
but looking at ur problems, and knowing ur misery...
plus can only see...
and see dear suffer...
how could i be better than dear???
i couldnt help dear at all...
i couldnt ease dear at all...
i couldnt do this and that for dear...
all i could do is see dear suffer with the problems and misery... hmmm..:(

yesterday 15.06.2010

the day started very nice where me and my honeystar...

went for a morning breakfast at ss2...

after that breakfast... me and my dear was to attend a meeting for YEC at 10am...

so we went for the meeting...
chilling...
chatting...
relaxing...
talking...
shouting...
discussing....
as so on....

while discussing with KING on the events for the futsal competition...
he told me he saw cars being towed from KPD A...
then i was like shocked...
thinking for my car whether is it mine or not..
quickly i told my dear to go down...

in the end... YUP!!
it got towed!! omg... u freaking people!!
then KING said that he saw words on the car that was being towed... and then its silver...
funny thing is luckily he dun know that was my car... if he knows... and he dint call for it... then i'm going to shoot him... anyways... he dint know.. what to do?
hmm... i got to know that its from DBKL from KING as well...

what to do...?? luckily KING was so nice to bring me there and help me on the case...
then we went to there with the help of my mum coming to college and collect me.... :(

then reaching the place, the guy there told us to get ic photostated... then waited for awhile when we reach back... to go and take sumpah letter... omg... can say everything all together?? making us running up and down just to finished the process... gila de!! some more the guy insist on rm355 for everything...
then we say we are students lo.. this la that la...
we tot that he was so good that he so quickly dropped the payment to RM205... but then i found out that the payment could be reduced de... omg... that guy ar... the rate is actually rm355... but when the person is there, he is able to reduce to rm205... omg...

nvm.. when finished everything... went home and sleep until 7.30pm...
fetched my sis back home and went out to play basketball with the gang...

how i wish the moments will last forever... (this is not gay shit... but its friendship :P)
we had fun on playing the game... although played like mad... lost like mad... but we eventually won the last game and enjoyed the whole evening...
later we went to shisa and watched the Brazil vs North Korea... then we played cho di there as well... while waiting for the match to begin...

at first.. my cards are like so bad.... but coming to the end... my cards seem better...
there is 2 rounds of 3 tai Ds... when i got 3 Ds... and then i laughed... but it was no ordinary laugh... it was wicked but funny... its like "kekekeke" + "muahahaha" hahahaha... try to imagine la... hahaha...

laughed all night... until nonstop.. then while was going back home... the shisa guy came and kacau jason... kept scolding and joking on bad words... laughing as well... then while they we playing, the shisa topple and dropped and then the charcoal went all over jason's pants... hahaha... causing him to have 3 burned holes on the pants... hahahaha... played too much...

in the end, we watching the first half and raced back home to bath and sleep...
today headache till now(wednesday 16.06.2010, pasar malam day!!! but cannot go... haiz...:( )
worst of all... the match ended in Brazil 2-1 North Korea.. ( information given from my dear... hahaha)