Not an Argument but Just Understanding Between Us

Dear, u once told me to tell u anything that i dun know how to say to put into this blog rite?? this is the time...:(

Dear, i dun want to bring this back up... this whole conversation in this blog is with an anger towards someone... and a soft, low, and sad tone talking to dear... u know i wont shout to u rite?? Hmm...

This thingy have been running in my brains for a long time...
Kepts reminding me... And kept occurring to us even though we faced to ignore it...
I trust u... but did u trust me? Or give me the trust?? No... i dun feel any... that is why this came out... and u gave the feeling in me to not have trust in u...

This is because of him... him... that idiot... i’m so pissed on him right now... 
I wanna know why.... even though u know there is something going to happen that night... u still wanna go for that gathering... u know that sitting in his car would come out such happening de.. i told u so... u dint listen at all... kissing on cheek is small matter?? NO... to me its not...

U knew that he is still on to u... in fact, u still want to go to the gathering and then sit his car to go...

Furthermore, u also knew that he could do anything to u... ANYTHING is POSSIBLE at that moment...

I told u so... but no words of mine is able to turn u down...

AND u still wants to go to his car and go by then...

Dear, u are not 3 year old kid anymore... u know these things could happen... but u still
want to go for it...

I was asking myself a lot of questions... did i do wrong that could lead to u on doing this to me...? i kept repeating and thinking about it... but however, i got no answer...
Dear... u also know that if u receives his calls... and go to his car... uses as a transportation... this means something... to our relationship and him... i dun know u know this or not... but this is most likely u know something a little like this... this is what

i think of.. and i got many opinions that supports my thoughts...
To him, he will get all sorts of thinking that u are giving him hope... by sitting his car, getting his help for transportation, and all other things... will lead to his stupid mind thinking and lead to many troubles that could cause our relationship to get from bad to worsening...

And when both of u are together, alone in the car, alone in the carpark, and many places alone... he is able to do almost anything to u... u also know he is a forcer... means he will get to the point to do what it takes... i assume that u told him what i told u to... but its not working... then u have to start to do something... i felt so bad right now...

In our relationship, this could get worst... kissing u on the cheek is not a small matter... u MIGHT treat it small... but i cant... remember when i told u i would slap him if i were u...?? i really meant it... why dint u?? Why still ask questions on “what u want”?? Why dun u just take the action straight away??


This makes me lose confidence and trust among our relationship... u gave me the hope on he is not going to touch u or anything else... i adviced dear d... and it happened... i told dear d... how am i to trust u??
U told me nothing would happen... and all my advices u doesn’t seem to listen or understand...

I told u everything and many possible ways of him doing it to u... i told u adi... u dint listen and in fact, ignored my advices and just leave it as it be... when u do so... its heartbreaking... u kept saying that i dun trust u...


What if my ex finds me? And then calls me out? With the addition like urs... kept calling u nonstop, kept msn nonstop, kept sms-ing u “bebe”... although its ur name... but then should he calls u phoebe like the others? What if my ex calls me ban ban?? This way u adi started to have jealousy... not i want to find all the old things to take about... not i wanna get back the old stuff and put it out... but its seems and feels the same... this extend u adi started crying... what if she kissed me on the cheek?? Gives me a lot of things that i dun wish for but i still accepts it?? And then i go out with a bunch of frens sitting her car?? Then i kept asking her for the gathering transportation?? Ignoring her and neva want to scold her?? what would it let dear think? hmm??

If this was me, would u still go along with me? Would u still trust me even though i told u its alright... nothing would happen? Would u still have the confidence that i wont get anything from her?

all of these happenings will lead to the situation that i'm having right now... this is not a fren anymore dear... its not... he is not a enemy nor a fren... he is a person for now that u must get rid of... scold him... if not... make him heart dead... if cannot... find some way... if i do it... he will turn horrible... and when this happens, u will be having frens talking bad about u... (that is what i think when u say dun mess with him or scold him or whack the shit out of him) dear.. they wont talk bad about u... they will only talk bad of me... what is the problem with that? I’m ok with it... this is considered as a protection among my gf... they'll understand... if their loved ones are being done the same way, they would also do the same....

dear... fetching u is adi is hope for him and a bad thing for us d... its over the extend d... i’m not asking u to sacrifice for me and dun go for any gatherings forever... but when he is there among ur frens... its better for u to stay away for a period of time... or else, when we are free... then we’ll go together ma... isnt this better??

its adi very bad for him to fetch you... and indeed he kissed u on the cheek...

how could i not emo??
How could i not angry or furious on him??
How could i not be so like this now??
Its same for dear... like i listed on top... what if a girl kissed me on the cheek?? Hmm??
Even i poked some girl... no matter is whoever girl... its playing... u seems to hate me d...
U dun like i do it... u jealous of me poking others... then i’ve change on this matter... i dun know how long that i could stand this... i’ll try as long as i can... but for now... its your turn... u have started it by calling him to fetch u there d... or if u dint call, he have accepted his offer on the transportation... what is this?? This is called the hope that u are giving him... u know its not... but to him... it is... and its not only once... its most of the time... when he is back... u had dinner once... and now gathering... this hurts me... when u know he is still onto u... why cant u evade for awhile among ur frens... and letting him no chance to see u or talk with u??

What reactions he is having now?? Happy and delighted?? Cause of seeing us here talking about this matter? Dear... hopes are given like this... accepting his offers and calls... u told me it wouldn’t happen anything de... he wont dare... u will block or stop it from happening... u promised and so on... but did u...?? i know its hard for u to evade him... but did u do something?? U asked him only... verbally... what u want?? What if i got kissed by another girl and i just ask...?? what she wants?? Obviously is me rite??


I might have promised u a lot of things...its all the foods, outings and other non harmful to our relationship... and in the future, i would be able to give u... but the thing is now, u seem like want to end our relationship... u disrespected in the relationship of ours by accepting the offer of his transportation and not listening to my advice... and now end up something happened... but where is the promise that dear give me?? Where is the promise that dear said nothing happened? Where is the trust that i gave dear when i told dear that he would do something?? Did dear respected my advice? Did dear listened to me?? Did dear want to listen to me?? Is there any trust here??

How am i to trust u anymore?? What if its me?? Would u trust me??
How am i to have confidence in dear anymore?? If it was me... do u trust me?? will u??
Did you respected me?? U just told me that u were going... insisted on going... and sitting his car to go... i neva felt the respect in dear... i told dear... everywhere i go... even now... i respected u... i even stopped my outings with verene... not even with ying qi... i know u are very jealous of me going with them... i respected dear’s advice... but did dear?? I dun know... i dun know how to have the trust within dear anymore... how am i to trust dear? I told u he is not a person to give hope with...


Last time was the once... went out with him on dinner... cant u say no?? Or cant u say dun wanna go?? Cant u say that u have something to do?? And the worst of the worst... cant u say u want to go home when he brought u somewhere else? What does this lead to?? This couldn’t stop me from the jealousy... i leave this behind is because that time u told me is he come to ur mom and ask... this makes me couldn’t have anything to say...
I asked u once... why is he able to bring u out at night?? And i cant... why cant i bring dear out??

U told me he was close to ur mum and family... and then nothing else... then what could i say?? I leave this to be?? Then what is our relationship then?? Frens?? Or what else?? Hmm? I really dun know how to expect this...
Even frens can have more time with you dear... and this “FREN” isn’t a guy that is good... somemore doin all kinds of things during the dinner or gathering... does this make a jealousy out of me?? OH YEAH!!  Furthermore, the “fren” that dear thinks that he is... is your ex and u kept on going out with him and things happened... how am i to settle down?? How am i to not jealous?? What if its my ex kept calling me out?? Hmm? And i have seldom time to go out with u..?? can u settle down?? Hmm?

Hmm... all of dear’s actions and words on this matter neva seem to change... all of the things that u do and did... never seem to bother the things that are seriously happening among us... it hurting people dear... do u know that?? u expect people to change for u... and u think that u have change for others... but in fact is u dint change much... u kept making people change for u... and u kept hurting your loved ones like this... this makes it so heart pain...

Especially today... at the KPD lvl 2... although u dint mean it... but it felt so pain when i heard and felt it... u might see me getting it very normal... but in fact, i’m very sad... u shown no disrespect of me to the others... (although i sometimes shown disrespect (as in naughty) to dear... but it is between us and never out loud like dear did... ) dear shouted take him la... go take him... what does this mean?? I’m a product to u?? Am i really one to dear?? Am i really a substitute towards him?? Dear... i neva say this to anyone at anytime be4... go take her la..... what if i told some guy... go la.. take u... go take... although with a funny tone... but u also will be having the same way of feeling like what am i having rite now... what is the feeling that is so pain after all the incidents that u have caused and neva tend to listen to people with this talking... ?? what would u feel??

Now... he comes out again and kept bothering u... why cant u just tell him dun disturb me anymore?? Why cant u find a way?? Is it so hard?? It has taken quite long.. Just make him heart dead... making him heart dead is scolding him d... i assume that u told him even though u leaves me and then u wont be back with him... but is ur intention and tone harsh enough?? I dun think so... is not that i dun trust dear... but i ask back dear... after all these things has happened... what is me to have the trust in dear?? What is there within me to trust dear more?? How can i trust dear on this matter?? I bet u dint scold him dear... i remembered u said no one would want u to scold them... its because its scary and it would be mad... i told u i wouldn’t want to try... why dint u do it to him?? Why let it be throughout over relationship?? why dun u try and scold on him?? (this matter i have been asking...why din u scold him??)


When there is no trust, the relationship ends... i dun wanna to end... but how?? Dear is not trying ur best... ignoring his calls, msn and everything in front of me... is useless and not enuf... its because he is still like this... but then ur attitudes did made a mistake let me saw it... like a few days passed... we were sitting together... he asked u in MSN, r u tired... u replied... yea yea... how am i supposed to know or trust u that u lost all his contacts and u did ignored his callings?? How dear?? How??
If i told u i neva chat with my ex anymore... and neva talk at all... i kept ignoring her callings... but i smsed her in front of u... not long words... just “haha” will do... i think u will be emo-ing me for a few months... so.. teach me what can i do?? Forget these things are already too late for it as dear hasn’t showing any much to me... hurting me... and causing me to pain deeply in the heart of mine...


Dear... i really dun know what to tell u... how to tell u... i know u are considerate and everything nice... but this isn’t a way... u need and have to solve it... its haunting our relationship... how am i to calm down?? Dun emo?? how can i not??

Dear, u told me not to emo and dun be sad... u tell me... when u are in my shoes... if i tell u... u not emo or sad?? can u?

Like today at Solaris... i wasn’t emo on dear’s mum... i wasn’t emo on u as well... its like this... dear did not want to clarify anything on this matter to me... just let it be... it isnt over dear... i know u were tired... but could u tell me next time only talk bout it? at least i know dear is trying ur best to solve it and give an answer... but dear just treats the kissing as a small matter...

The kissing is like a pin in my heart now... how to take it out?? It pokes deeper when dear messaged me, if wanna come, dun emo... how dear?? How?? Did u ask what was i emo-ing?? It wasn’t ur mom... although i did blame ur mum sometimes... nagging and the rules that she set... i wasn’t against on her... its i just dun feel right... and i tell dear... i dint mean to blame ur mum or scold ur mum or backstab her or something... its just saying a topic about it... i neva keep that in my heart... after that i will forget about it... no matrer its ur mum or my mum... its just saying it... and then forgetting about it after awhile...

u were my partner, my heart, and my lover... and u’ll always are... but after all on top...
tell me how to be not emo?? No jealousy?? No anger?? No hatred?? No need to care??
Tell me?? can u withstand it?? Hmmm...
U asked me was there anything in the car?? I was so emo... my head looked up for a few moments because tears was adi coming down... i dun wanna let dear see my tears rolls down... i wanna to have dear all beside me 24/7... but these stuff... how?? How??
Dear....
I dun want to have anything happen to our relationship k??
I just want to have a peace and happy relationship with dear k??
I also hope that this matter will soon end... and i hope i dun need to keep remembering it??
I’m still emo... i’m still sad... and i’m still not used to these situations...
I dun know what will i do if this continues...:( hmm..

dear... i have repeatedly read this a lot of times be4 posting it here... at least 4-5 times...rephrasing and editting... i just wish dear wont be mad at me.. or emo me... or emo for the day k?? its just an understanding between us...

Dear.... i’m not mad at u k? I’m just want things to be clarified... but i just dun know how to tell dear... i just dun have the courage to tell dear these things... i wish i dint offended u or said something bad... hmm.. if i did, i’m sorry... 