hmmm...

all these days...
these past weeks...
these one month pluss....
it has made me from a happy go lucky, to sad till moody...
cause me sleepless nights... the maximum i could sleep is also 2 hours++
continuously for months... sad and emo situation through these days...
what to do, what to think, what decision to make?
now, sitting here at station 1 cafe in OUG just after 2 hours of sleep... haiz...
need to do all the assignments and still think bout it... omg...
i thought i put it down already... forgotten it... but then.. it still comes to me... like haunting me..:(
haiz....

WHY and WHAT?

it's been a while since my last post on9...
have been bz with my studies and lately on a bad emo days....
i've been questioning myself... what and why....
so many questions in my head spinning about what and why....
why this...
why that...
what do u mean by this...
and what do u mean by that....
it's so hard to understand and yet..
the answer is still not found...
the best part is...
i thought the answer is found...
i thought the solution is in hand...
and i thought the matter was resolved...
but it wasn't...
it was so hard to accept the fact...
so hard to accept the reality....
i wish i could express all the words and feelings out....
but i dont wish that rumors and bad comments to wonder around...
because i dont wish to have people saying bout me that i'm gossiping...

all the things that i've done couldn't be compared...
all the things that i've wished for dint came out...
but all the things that i've not wished for... it came all out!!
omg... i'm really really really in the depression mood right now... couldn't help myself...
i wish i did... but it cant...
all the things that i really hope for is just a little kind of sweetness back... is that really hard to give?
all the things i've done, i didnt want the whole world to be given back to me... but at least a response of good... telling me that i appreciate ur work.. and really mean it...
all i want is just a good explaination.... not the same old words...
what makes u to say that to me?? what is the thing that i've done that struck ur feelings??
i've been thinking for so long... why and what??

sometimes i really wished that the why and what questions to not exist....
that will make me not think so much...
but however the what and why seems to make me curious...
making me hard to breath day by day...
the second i think bout the matter...
that second will made me hard to breath....
its like my heart pumping less blood every second...
pain and suffering...
creating lots of misery and suffering...

why is there people saying that "its not fair"?
what makes the people say so...?
i know the world is unfair....
but what makes people to say so?
although i'm not the one being unfair to people and not people being unfair to me...
but its just seeing some people being unfairly treated.. but still wanna go for it...
this is not acheiving something good... this is called torture....
its not something that u want... and u know it...
but why?? the feeling?? the emotion?? the past?? the future?? or the present??
and what?? the looks?? the characteristics?? the things u've given to him?? or the things that u've received??

when people knows that its not something to die for... or something worth for doing so...
they tend to back off.. and try something else....
which they think that will be better than the road or thing that they are dying for...
although they will not know about the risks... and the returns....
but then... its better than dying for something that the person knows its not worth....

and what if the thing is worth more than ur previous choice??
what if the thing is better than ur previous choice??
and what if the person knows that the thing is better...
will u go and take the risk?

why take riskes that have no returns?? its 0% and u know it...
its 100% completely going to have zero returns...
it also means that what u give as 100%... will come back as 0% return...
and the another risk is that u think that is less than 100% risks... but gain at least more than 15% returns...
why dont u take that thing/road? why suffer in the old thing or the road that u choose??
u've studied much... u've done many researches... the best part is... u already experienced it too...
why still go into the broken and wrong road? why choose the wrong thing??
and u still want to lie to urself that u are in the correct route? that u choose the best thing for urself??

to everyone looking at my blog.. try to think this way and comment in my post...
try to think as a logical person here... i'm depressing and emo... so kinda bad mood... so better pls pls pls... dont joke or fool around with my blog... (i'm so sry if i hurt or affected anyone's feelings)

the example...
if u know that the vase is colourless, cracked and old...
will u go and take the risk to buy that vase?? or will u tend to change it or not??
and if u saw that there is another vase that will fulfill ur desires and fulfills its jobscope as a vase...
will u go and take a look at the vase and eventually try it??
u compared it... u see the price is the same...
will u buy the broken vase or the vase that will fulfill ur desires??
or will u keep the broken vase and tend to have the feelings for it.. because it just happen to followed u for the past few months??
what if the vase... that cracks... have open ledges that could cut u when u hold it?? what if the edges of the vase could hurt u?? will u still keep the vase just because of the feelings??
i really wish that people out there that sees this... will give me a logical and rational answer...
i really need that help now...

all of u might be thinking the same thing... but i could tell u... this blog mean no harm to anyone or anything... its just a way for me to express my feelings... TQ

hmm... boring days... boring days boring nights in my boring blog...

these days after my exams...

nothing to do...

tuesday finished exam de...

should be very happy...

like jumping up and down...

shouting yippie!!! yay!!!

planning my holidays...

how am i going to spent them...

but then...

haiz...

these few days at home... then shisa... then takei... basketball... and nothing else...

felt like routine... omg... felt much like no life... haiz...

wanna go somewhere far... have a few days with my frens... and buddies.... planning to go to langkawi like others... but till now what also havent go and find information about the trip... haiz...

sounds like so cham... but its true... like dont know what to do... what to play.... felt like no life...

anyone out there... about my stressing.... and that reads my blog... could anyone give me some ideas? i think of lonely-ness and boring? hahaha... so try to amuse me with ur ideas... please!!

Stress Days Over~~~ HOLIDAYS !!! yay!!

holidays coming... yay!!
happy happy days...
after all the stresses and depressions through my 4 subjects....
after tuesday of my last paper of my MKT203... logistics management...
till today... there isnt any day that i would sleep before 4am.... hahaha... sounds crazy?? i really think so... hahaha... eye bags getting blacker and darker... omg... hahaha
after all.. jus to update something to tell u guys how is my days going...

planning at this hour to go to langkawi... but dont know whether is successful or not...
and sitting here... shisa-ing in the morning at 3.56am at ampang updating my blog... how life-less... haiz.... hahaha

another boring day...

after these few days of non stop of working and studying...

the current me is now exhausted, tired, and blur yet boring....

exhausted because:
1. after my classes, need to set up my booth for my paintball tournament...
2. the assignments from my college is killing me...
3. the best part is i'm not sure of what to do with the assignments...
4. studying FIN202 for a week and still blur in it... neva knew what was the lecturer talking about in this 9 weeks... omg!!
5. after all this... the day yesterday and yesterday... basketball 2 days straight... so now body aching... and suffering from bruises... omg...

tired because:
1. the basketball game..
2. the paintball event...
3. the assignments!!!

blur and boring because:
1. dont know what to do now.. (because while i'm doin this blog... i'm in FUN OK Cafe below my house with jason here..)
2. dont know what will happen next...
3. dont know what to continue in my assignments...
4. dont know what to do... so i'll just continue with my work la... see ya...

another bad day today...

today... another of my worst day in this year!!
1st unlucky - on the way to yingqi's house, my car nearly bang the side of the roadside... due to the rain and some sand that was invisible de... my whole car like drifting along the corner... skided to the right when doing a left turn... omg!! luckily no one was there... or else.. hard to imagine what will happen...
2nd unlucky - slip on the floor and pavement about 4 times... omg... lucky dint fall... especially when i was about to go to my seat after taking some food from the economy rice stall, i nearly smack the whole plate on the ground... and thank the GOD who helped me with the balancing... omg!!


the only 3 things that is lucky and happy to be is...
1st - recalling one of my long lost primary school mate, Steven chee...

2nd - knowing new frens... David, Yen Yee and Yi Wen....
and the best part is this...

3rd - Camwhoring and the second rain that helps us... getting paid without any work to be done...


actually there is a job in Mafta Fair 2009 and its kinda easy and boring to me, ying qi, verene and others... because its just an awareness programme hosted by singapore...
the thing that we only do are walking with the sign that shows uniquely singapore in front of it... and a slogan behind the board... omg...
the worst of all... we'll need to walk around PWTC and keep shouting SINGAPORE!! SINGAPORE!! omg!!
And NOW... after 1 and a half hours of traffic JAM from Mid Valley to Tmn Connaught... which usually took me 15 mins to reach... after my relaxing bath... and in front of my computer chatting with yen yee and annie... safe and sound... tired and relaxed.. haiz... RELIEVED...
the camwhoring session....



verene and yen yee inside the lift...


the gang that worked on that day... GROUP B!! although dark a bit... well... we move on... lolx!!


another time in the lift... haaha

the three musketeers... the happening... the hot... is me!!

another pic... posing with their backs...

the girls... top... verene, Yi wen, ying qi and bottom.. yen yi...

having a good time... haha.., sry ying qi!! haha..

tired and exhausted...

lolx..

massaging ying qi... after the long minutes of standing... lolx... anyways.. there are more pics in Facebook... so feel free to check on them... hahaha...

Happy 21st birthday to myself!!

its been a while since i updated my blog... about a month? i think no one will also read this anyway... just blogging for fun.... and expressing my feelings here...

my 21st b'day was not so called success party... not so called a bad party...
but thanks to everyone who made the effort to come to my party... and sry to those i dint invite them.... its not that i dont wan... its just that... it would cause me to malfunction during the party at my house...

just a number about 60 people... already cause me to get haywire... 2 girls got lost after driving from alam damai... and ended up in taman segar... i still dont get it... its like one is at north... then another one is at the south... hmm... dont really make sense. then, while picking them up from taman segar's petronas station... both of them reached my area safely.... but when i was about to pick another person up.... and called them to go into my house... they went into the wrong house... and the person over there.... had a conversation something like this...

2girls: erm.. helo... is anyone named jack living in this house?
owner : (with the blur look) jack? nope...
2girls: ooo... oops... is there named pang ban??
owner : nope also... but since u are here... why dont u girls come in and have the food 1st? then we'll talk later...
2girls: (getting scared) erm... i think i'll call him to confirm...

2girls: (calling me to confirm)where are u, jack??
me: (just arrived at my gate...curious) just arrived my house lo... why? and where are u 2??
2girls: (screaming) we're at ur front gate!!
me: really? (staring at my gate with the blur look..) i'm standing in front of my gate and i dont see u 2...
2girls: (embarassed at people's house) oops... really?? wrong house... lolx!!!

both of the girls ended up embarassed and walked back up to my house... omg!!!
60 people already cause this one haywire... if 120?? 180?? 200?? omg!! i will die!!
but anyway... for those i dint invite... i'm really sorry!!!

hmm... the pictures are already in facebook for quite sometime... and thanks to some of the frens that helped in the tagging... i believe those who got themselves in the pics... have already seen it... hmmm....

anyway... i'm going to start my college tomolo... wish my best of luck... cause this semester i'm going to take 4 subjects... actually its not considered very tough... but its just very stressful... its like every night until 4am... then going to classes at 8am... means everyday... 4 hours of sleep?? haiz... pity me and my college frens that are going along with me or the ones already done with it... haiz....

i hope the 2 girls that i'm refering to will read this... cause this is dedicated to them... wakakakaka... lolx!! thanks and till now.. heheh:P